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Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 93


Part 93 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetingsಕುಡಿದರೆ ವಾಸನೆ ಬರದಂತಿರಬೇಕು.
ಕುಡಿದರೆ  ತೂರಾಡದಂತಿರಬೇಕು.
ಕುಡಿದರೆ ವಾಂತಿ ಮಾಡಬಾರದಂತಿರಬೇಕು.
ಕುಡಿದರೆ ತೊದಲು ನುಡಿ ಬಾರದಂತಿರಬೇಕು.
ಕುಡಿದರೆ ಪರರ ನಿಂದನೆ 
ಮಾಡದಂತಿರಬೇಕು.
ಕುಡಿದರೆ ಜಗಮೆಚ್ಚಿ  ಅಹುದಹುದೆನಬೇಕು.

              - ಆದ್ದರಿಂದ  ಬಂಧುಗಳೇ ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ  ಕುದಿಸಿ ಆರಿಸಿದ ನೀರನ್ನು ಕುಡಿಯಿರಿ..😂😂😂😂

*********

A beautiful post ..............from one mother to another mother

There were days when My home used to be filled with laughter, arguments, fights, jokes and loads of mischief. 
Books used to be strewn all over the show. Pens and books all over, and clothes messing the rooms, thrown on the beds. 
I used to shout at them to tidy up their mess. 

In the morning:

One will wake up and say: 
Mama I can't find a certain book. 
And the other will say: I can't find my perfume, 
And one will say: Mama where's my homework. 
And  will say: Mama I forgot to complete my homework. 

Everyone used to ask about their lost possessions. 
And I will say, but take care of your stuff, be responsible, you have to grow up. 

And today I stand at the doorway of the room.
The beds are empty. 
All the cupboards have only a few pieces of clothes in them. 
And what remains is the smell of perfume that lingers in the air. 
Everyone had a special smell. 
So I deep breathe in the smell of their perfume for maybe it will fill the empty ache in my heart.

All I have now is the memory of their laughs and their mischief and their warm hugs. 

Today my house is clean and organized and everything is in its place, and it is calm, free from all clutter and noise .. 

   ...... apparently peaceful. ...... 

But it is a desert with no life in it. 
I wish, I had learnt - Do not become angry with your kids about the mess, and about the clutter and about the noise .. 

Now, every time they come to visit and they spend time with us, my home springs back to life and I wish the days had more hours everyday  to keep the fragrance of life longer.......     
And when they are ready to leave. They pull their bags and it is as if they tug my heart along with it. 

They close the door behind them and then I stand still and think of the many times I shouted at them to close the doors. 

Here I am today, closing my own doors. Nobody opens it besides me. Each one gone to a different city or a different country. 
All left to find their own path in life. 

They have grown up and I wished that they could stay with me forever.

Dear God
..... Take care of my children and the children of all the mothers of this earth - for all mothers have the same deep sob in their hearts and feel the same void in the bed rooms once the children made mess of them ..

Oh God, protect our children, wherever they may be , for you are their guide and their saviour ..
  ...and always keep them happy. Cherish ur kids.
A MOTHER🙏🙏

*********

*Time Will Come* ⏳

Kenya is 2 hrs ahead of Nigeria, but it does not mean that Nigeria is slow, or that Kenya is fast. Both countries are  working based on their own "Time Zone."

Some one is still single. Someone got married and 'waited' 10 yrs before having a child, there is another who had a baby within a year of marriage.

Someone graduated at the age of 22, yet waited 5 years before securing a good job; and there is another who graduated at 27 and secured employment immediately !

Someone became CEO at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. 

Everyone works based on their 'Time Zone',

People can have things worked out only according to their pace.
Work in your “time zone”.

Your Colleagues, friends, younger ones might "seem" to go ahead of you.

May be some might "seem" behind you.

Don't envy them or mock them, it's their 'Time Zone.' 
You are in yours!

Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. 

You’re not late … 
You are not early ... you’re very much On time!

*RESPECT YOUR TIME ZONE*

*********

Great Read - Which Parent Wouldn't Identify With This !
Taken from a handout by Corrie Lynne Player:
 
 
“I just realized that while children are dogs—loyal and affectionate—teenagers are cats.
 
It’s so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around.  It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then, around age 13, your adoring puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.
 
Instead of dogging your footsteps, it disappears. You won’t see it again until it gets hungry…then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn up its nose at whatever you’re serving, swishing its tail and giving you an aggrieved look until you break out the tuna again.
 
When you reach out to ruffle its head in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare as if it is trying to remember where it has seen you before.
 
You, not realizing your dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won’t go on family outings. Since you’re the one who raised it, taught it to fetch, stay and sit on command, you assume you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
 
Only now you’re dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now has the opposite result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.
 
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you must learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.
 
One day your grown up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say,“You’ve been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you.” 

Then, you’ll realize your cat is a dog again.”

********

_Coffee never knew it will taste nice and sweet, before it met sugar and milk. We are good as individuals but become better when we blend with the right people. The world is full of nice people, if you can't find one, be one._

_The richest wealth is health and wisdom. The strongest weapon is patience. The best security is faith. The greatest tonic is laughter, and the greatest force is love. The surest assurance is hope in God. And the source of our strength is the joy of the Lord. Surprisingly all are free._

*********

Do you know why consuming liquor is called Drinks? 
1. D in Drink is for digestion. One peg starts it's process.
2. R is for relaxation. After one peg, you start relaxing....
3. I is for intelligence.  It's common after some pegs for one to feel intelligent and he starts shooting his mouth and all nonsensical knowledge and sentiments pour in.
4. N is for naughtiness. Those naughty thoughts and actions surface.
5. K is for king. He feels on top of world and behaves stupidly like a king. All others are forced to agree and accept him.
6. S is for snake. The final stage of climax. Crawls and twists like a snake.
No other liquids have this distinction to be called Drinks.

*********

ಸುಮಾರು ಇಪ್ಪತ್ತೈದು ವರ್ಷಗಳ ಹಿಂದೆ ಪ್ರಖ್ಯಾತ ಹರಿಕಥಾ ವಿದ್ವಾಂಸರಾದ ರಘುನಾಥ ದಾಸರು ತಮ್ಮ ಹರಿಕಥೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಿರೂಪಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಹಾಸ್ಯ ಪ್ರಸಂಗ

ಒಂದು ಕಛೇರಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬ ಬ್ರಿಟೀಶ್ ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಯಿದ್ದ...ಆತನಿಗೆ ಕನ್ನಡ ಬರುತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ...ಅದೇ ಕಛೇರಿಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಗುಮಾಸ್ತನಿಗೆ ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ಬರುತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಒಮ್ಮೆ ಗುಮಾಸ್ತನ ತಂದೆಯ ಶ್ರಾದ್ದದ ಸಲುವಾಗಿ ರಜೆ ಕೋರಿ ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ರಜಾ ಚೀಟಿ ಬರೆದ "tomarro my fathers Thithi..grant one day leave." ಪಾಪ ಆ ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಗೆ thithi ಅಂದರೇನೆಂದು ತಿಳಿಯಲಿಲ್ಲ ಗುಮಾಸ್ತನನ್ನು ಕರೆದು ಕೇಳಿದ. ಗುಮಾಸ್ತ thithi ಅಂದರೆ thithi ಅಂದ. ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಗೆ
ಅರ್ಥವಾಗದಿದ್ದರೂ ರಜೆ ಮಂಜೂರು ಮಾಡಿದ.

ಗುಮಾಸ್ತ ಮಾರನೇ ದಿನ ತಿಥಿ ಮುಗಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಒಬ್ಬಟ್ಟನ್ನು ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಗೆ ಅಭಿಮಾನದಿಂದ ನೀಡಿದ. ಒಬ್ಬಟ್ಟಿನ ರುಚಿಗೆ ಮಾರುಹೋದ ಅಧಿಕಾರಿ..what is..how to make it ಅಂತ ಕೇಳಿದ. ಗುಮಾಸ್ತನಿಗೆ ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ವಿವರಿಸಬೇಕಾದ ಒತ್ತಡ. ಆದರೂ ಹೇಳಿದ. This is OBBATTU.... this is poornam..this is hittu...putting..lutting...eating ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿದ. 
ಹರ್ಷಗೊಂಡ ಅಧಿಕಾರಿ ಹೇಳಿದ "I will sanction two more days leave to you..make my THITHI and bring some more Obbats."😜😜😜

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🍁....Behaviour of the boss....🍁

The Boss was retiring. Everyone had te ars in their eyes on  the day of his farewell. One of the employees said, “Sir, there is one thing we want to learn from you. You worked here for so many years. What to speak about scolding your subordinates, we have never seen you even shouting at them. We have scolded our subordinates on pressure of work or for other reasons. We want to know about the seed of your patience.”
The Boss said, “Then listen to this incident of my childhood. My father was working as a lower level employee in an office. He was a very nice person. He was respected very much in our family. It happened one day. I was studying in the 4th standard. I had gone to the office of my father for some reason. I saw that my father was not on his seat. I waited outside. After some time, the door of the Boss opened. My father came out of the door. I saw the fair face of my father had turned red. He went straight to a corner and stood there looking outside through a window there. He had not seen me. I went to him and called him slowly. He was taken by surprise and turned back to look at me. I saw stream of tears flowing down his eyes. He was slightly disturbed seeing me. He did not find time to wipe out his tears. Can my father cry anytime? He was the strongest man in the world for me. It was
out of my imagination that someone could hurt him. I ran straight to the room of the Boss. Father was calling me from behind. But, listening to nothing, I went inside and asked the Boss, “Why did you make my father cry?” The Boss was also surprised.
Thereafter, my father tried to make me understand. But, that day I had decided to take revenge on the Boss. I decided that day that I will study well and become a Boss one day, but I will not make my subordinates cry anytime. Because, they are not only the employees of my office, they are also respected and dear father or brother or somebody of their families and their surroundings. People say it is not be possible to control others without scolding them. I say, what for love is there then?”💐🤗🤗

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Nepali : 😑Uuu Shaabji, yeh shyam singh ka mobile ka dukaan kaha milega

Salesman: 😒pata nahi

Nepali: 😑Address toh isi dukaan ka hai
Salseman: 😡saale ye shyam singh nahi SAMSUNG hai.. 😜
Wife: Why are you wasting money on drinking ?

Husband : Why are you wasting money on Beauty Parlors ?

Wife: It is for you only, so that I can look beautiful to you.
Husband : I am also drinking just for u , so that you look beautiful to me. 


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On the eve of Kabali release shortly Rajani kanth is back....

All new series on Rajnikanth:
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Rajnikanth was shot today... Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral! 
---------------------------------
Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'!
--------------------------------
Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass
---------------------------------
Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale!
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature!!!
--------------------------------
Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!!
--------------------------------
Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s
energy;
and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy!
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Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but
Einstein died watching that, since Light came second!!
--------------------------------
Intel's new ad: "Rajnikanth Inside" 
------------------------- 
When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajinikanth.
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South and no one has guts to point at him!!! 
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajinikanth!
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An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai, Rajinikanth stopped it in Lonawala! 
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Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages! 
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Only Rajinikanth knows why Mona Lisa is smiling.
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Rajinikanth is the person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
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Rajinikanth went to the world cooking championship...of course Rajini won. But 
guess what did he make in final??? Lal mirchi ki meethi kheer
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