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Part 127 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings


Ghaltiyon Se Juda Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi Dono Insaan Hai, Khuda Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi ... ! " Tu Mujhe or Mai Tujhe Ilzaam Dete Hain Magar Apne Andar Jhankta Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi " ... !! Ghalat Fehmiyon Ne Kar Di Dono Mein Paida Dooriyan, Warna Fitrat Ka Bura Tu Bhi Nahi, Mai Bhi Nahi " ...
Part 127 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

*********
 Advertisement of a new restaurant, named...."Topless Beauty" 1000 men visited on the very first day.... They were shocked to see that the restaurant had no roof...!!!
😜
Marketing is all about presentation.
*********

*Importance of meditation*
🙂🙂


When your wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks "Dear do have any women in your life other than me"?
🙂🙂

Remember your answer is not important at this point of time.
☺☺


Important is your heartbeats. Keep your heartbeat in control
😃😃

*So do meditate*

*********

*💐A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹ZIndagi Ek Candle ki Tarha hai. Enjoy karo warna Jal to rahi hi he. Khatam to waise bhi ho hi jayegi. Enjoy each evry moment.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺 The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦

*********

मुझे मेरे पूर्व पति से फिर से
शादी करनी है।
,
वकील : अभी आठ दिन पहले ही तो
आपका तलाक़ करवाया है।
फिर क्यों😳😳
,
महिला : वो तलाक़ के बाद बहुत खुश
दिख रहे हैं और मैं ये बर्दाश्त नहीं कर
सकती।।😄😜😂
😁😁😁😁


*********

बेइज्जती कैसे होती है !!
.
.
बहु अपनी सास से बात करती हैं :
आपके बेटे में तो हज़ारों कमियाँ हैं ।
.
.
.
.
सास : हाँ बेटी ,
इसी वजह से तो उसे अच्छी लड़की
नही मिली..!!! 😄 😃 😀 😄 😃 😄

*********

Where do u see MANGOES

Mango tree!!
No...

Fruit shop!!
No...

Maaza!!
No...

Then...

Answer : Jahan Jahan beautiful woman goes....

Peeche-Peeche
MAN GOES.......
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

*********

Vagaries of English Language!


-Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

-Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?    

- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

- Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation? 

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!  
03/05/17, 20:24 - TB - Pai: Enjoy the fun & the pun.*

*Q: Can February March?*
*A: No. But April May!*

*Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?*
*A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!*

*Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?*
*A: I better not tell you, it might spread.!*

*Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?*
*A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?*

*Q: Music Teacher: What's your favourite musical instrument?*
*A: Kid: The lunch bell.!*

*Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?*
*A: You’re pointless!*

*Q: What do you call a ghost's mom and dad?*
*A: Transparents!*

*Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?*
*A: A Barbercue!*

*Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal*
*A: A cereal killer.!*

*Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?*
*A: Urgent Tina.!*

*Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?*
*A: A heavy discussion.!*

*Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?*
*A: Nostalgia.!*

*Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?*
*A: Thunderwear.!*

*Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?*
*A: Trouble!*

*Q: Where do boats go to when they get sick?*
*A: The dock!*

*Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?*
*A: A Mer-Maid!*

*Q: Why can't a leopard hide?*
*A: Because he's always spotted!*

*Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?*
*A: Because then it would be a foot!*

*Q: Why did the barber win the race?*
*A: Because he took a short cut!*

*Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?*
*A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!*

*Q: Why did the tomato turn red?*
*A: It saw the salad dressing!*

*Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?*
*A: To get a root canal.!*

*Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?*
*A: Because they're all in High School.!*

*Q: Why was the maths book sad?*
*A: Because it had too many problems!*

*********

```✒SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN THESE 10 BEAUTIFUL LINES. READ and TRY  to UNDERSTAND the DEEPER MEANING of THEM.

📎 1). PRAYER is not a "spare wheel" that YOU PULL OUT when IN trouble, but it is a "STEERING WHEEL" that DIRECT the RIGHT PATH THROUGHOUT LIFE. 

📎2). Why is a CAR'S WINDSHIELD so LARGE & the REAR VIEW MIRROR so small? BECAUSE our PAST is NOT as IMPORTANT as OUR FUTURE. So, LOOK AHEAD and MOVE ON. 

📎3). FRIENDSHIP is like a BOOK. It takes a FEW SECONDS to BURN, but it TAKES YEARS to WRITE.

📎4). All THINGS in LIFE are TEMPORARY. If they are GOING WELL, ENJOY them, they WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. If they are going wrong, don't WORRY, THEY CAN'T LAST LONG EITHER. 

📎5). Old FRIENDS are GOLD! NEW friends are DIAMONDS! If you GET a DIAMOND, DON'T FORGET the GOLD! To HOLD a DIAMOND, you ALWAYS NEED a BASE of GOLD! 

📎6). Often when WE LOSE HOPE and THINK this is the END, GOD SMILES from ABOVE and SAYS, "RELAX, SWEETHEART; it's JUST a BEND, NOT THE END!" 

📎7). When GOD SOLVES your PROBLEMS, you HAVE FAITH in HIS ABILITIES; when GOD DOESN'T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, HE has FAITH in YOUR ABILITIES. 

📎8). A BLIND PERSON asked GOD: "CAN THERE be ANYTHING WORSE THAN LOSING EYE SIGHT?" HE REPLIED: "YES, LOSING YOUR VISION!" 

📎9). When   YOU PRAY for OTHERS, GOD LISTENS to YOU and BLESSES THEM, and SOMETIMES, when you are SAFE and HAPPY, REMEMBER that SOMEONE has PRAYED for YOU.  

📎10). WORRYING does NOT TAKE AWAY TOMORROW'S TROUBLES; IT TAKES AWAY today's PEACE.  ```

*********

```At the point of death, a man, Tom Smith, called his children and he advised them to follow his footsteps so that they can have peace of mind in all that they do..

His daughter, Sara, said,
"Daddy, its unfortunate you are dying without a penny in your bank..
Other fathers' that you tag as being corrupt, thieves of public funds left houses and properties for their children; even this house we live in is a rented apartment..
Sorry, I can't emulate you, just go, let's chart our own course..

Few moments later, their father gave up the spirit..

Three years later, Sara went for an interview in a multinational company..
At interview the Chairman of the committee asked,
"Which Smith are you..??"

Sara replied,
"I am Sara Smith. My Dad Tom Smith is now late.."

Chairman cuts in,
"O my God, you are Tom Smith's daughter..?"

He turned to the  other members and said,
"This Smith man was the one that signed my membership form into the Institute of Administrators and his recommendation earned me where I am today. He did all these free. I didn't even know his address, he never knew me. He just did it for me.."
He turned to Sara,
"I have no questions for you, consider yourself as having gotten this job, come tomorrow, your letter will be waiting for you.."

Sara Smith became the Corporate Affairs Manager of the company with two Cars with Drivers, A duplex attached to the office, and a salary of £1,00,000 per month excluding allowances and other costs..

After two years of working in the company, the MD of the company came from America to announce his intention to resign and needed a replacement. A personality with high integrity was sought after, again the company's Consultant nominated Sara Smith..

In an interview, she was asked the secret of her success,,

With tears, she replied, "My Daddy paved these ways for me. It was after he died that I knew that he was financially poor but stinkingly rich in integrity, discipline and honesty".

She was asked again, why she is weeping since she is no longer a kid as to miss her dad still after a long time..

She replied, "At the point of death, I insulted my dad for being an honest man of integrity. I hope he will forgive me in his grave now. I didn't work for all these, he did it for me to just walk in".

So, finally she was asked, "Will you follow your father's foot steps as he requested ?"

And her simple answer was, "l now adore the man, I have a big picture of him in my living room and at the entrance of my house. He deserves whatever I have after God".

Are you like Tom Smith..?
It pays to build a name, the reward doesn't come quickly but it will come however long it may take and it lasts longer..

Integrity, discipline, self control and fear of God makes a man wealthy, not the fat bank account..

Leave a good heritage for your children..

As an agent of CHANGE, please share this true life story with your loved ones..

God bless us all..```

*********


*🌹Smile in front of people who hate you… Ur happiness kills them..*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌷I dont have time to hate people,who hate me because, Im too busy in loving people who love me.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺Two fundamentals of cool life – Walk like you are the king OR walk like you dont care, who is the king.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🍀Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦

*********

*HR Manager in Heaven!*
 
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. 

Her soul 😇 arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
 
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. 

"Well, what we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
 
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
 
"Sorry, we have rules."
 
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
 
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out into the hell with a beautiful golf course ⛳🏌🏻‍♀. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her....they talked about old times...

She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and she was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
 
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
 
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
 
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds ⛅☁and playing the harp and singing. 

She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
 
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
 
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
 
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
 
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. 

She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
 
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
 
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster 🍤and we danced 💃🏻 and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
 
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
 ...
 ...
 ...
 ....
 ....
 
 *"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee".😁😁😁*

☝Dedicated to all companies...

*********

🐣Chicken Story🐣  ABSOLUTE PROFESSIONAL 
(Mind blowing climax):

A farmer  owns 25 young hens 🐤 and one old cock ...
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock 🐓 from the market...

Old cock to Young cock 🐓:

Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity...

🐓Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?

🐓Young cock: No!! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have
all.

🐓Young cock: OKKK..
What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

🐓Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

In the morning the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off 
 & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases 🐓 him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock's back 🐓in a matter of seconds. 

Suddenly..."BANG"💥!!! 

Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot  dead by the farmer ...
who cursed,

: "Hell" 

This is the 5th GAY cock I've bought this week." ??

Moral: beware of senior experience in corporate politics !!!!!😆😆


*********

एक लड़का अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड के साथ अपनी BMW कार में डेट पर निकला......रास्ते में,

लड़का: मैंने तुमसे एक बात छुपाई है...!

गर्ल फ्रेंड: क्या..?

लड़का: मैं पहले से शादी शुदा हूं.!

गर्ल फ्रेंड: तुमने तो डरा ही दिया था, मैं समझी BMW तुम्हारी नहीं है.!!

*********

Enough about  jokes on *wives*. Now somethng for *husband*...😉

A new metal is added to *chemistry*:

• Name - *Husband*
• Symbol - *Hb*
• Atomic weight:
         - Light when found 
            first
         - Tends to get heavier
             over the years with
             time

• Physical properties:
         - Boils at any time 
            with inlaws
         - Can freeze in front 
            of his own family
         - Melts if sees other 
            women
         - Very bitter if
            questioned

• Chemical properties:
         - Very reactive
         - Highly unstable
         - Possesses strong
            resistance to gold,
            silver, diamond,
            platinum, credit
            cards and cheque  
            books
         - Money saving agent

• Occurrence:

         - Mostly found in
            front of TV, Laptop & Mobile.
😛😝😜.

✒...if we lose a pen, we can buy new one;  but if we lose a pen cap, we cannot buy it...so love your husband, because all Dhakkans are important 😝😝😜😜

Always keep your husbands picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: if I can handle this, I can handle anything!... 
😛 😂😜

📢 Finally -Living with husband is a part of living.........but living with the same husband for years is 'art of living'!!!!!!! 😜😊😍😂😘
Cheers to all  women.😄
–>