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Part 131 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings


अध्यापक: बच्चों को महाभारत पढाते हुए………”

कंस ने सुना कि देवकी का आठवां पुत्र 
Part 131 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings
उसे मार देगा तो उसने देवकी और वसुदेव को जेल में डाल दिया” पहला बच्चा हुआ, कंस ने मार दिया. दूसरा…… हुआ, कंस ने मार दिया, तीसरा भी, चौथा भी……….आठवां एक शिष्य: गुरु जी एक मिन्ट.. गुरु: क्या बात है? शिष्य : अगर कंस को पता था कि देवकी और वसुदेव का आठवां बच्चा उसे मार देगा तो उसने दोनों को एक ही कोठरी में बंद क्यों किया? 😜😜😜😜😜 गुरूजी ने संन्यास ले लिया है... अब उनकी पढ़ाने की इच्छा मर गयी है।

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*मंदिर में*
संता: हे भगवान..मेरी सरकारी नौकरी लगवा दो

भगवान : नारियल, केला और सेब नही लाए..?

संता: भगवान..आप कर्म करो, 
फल की चिंता मत करे..!!
😬😝😂

*********

ಪರಿಪೂರ್ಣವಾಗಿ ಪರಿಶುದ್ಧ ಜೀವನ ನಡೆಸಲು ಕೆಲವು ಮಾರ್ಗಗಳು*👇
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👉30000 ರೂ ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡಿ AC ಖರೀದಿಸುವ ಬದಲು 👇
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👉ಶುಗರ್, ಬಿಪಿ, ಹೃದಯ ಕಾಯಿಲೆಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ ದಿನಕ್ಕೆ 3 ಬಾರಿಯಂತೆ ತಿಂಗಳ ಔಷಧಿಗಳ ಮೆನು ಸಿದ್ಧಪಡಿಸುವ  ಬದಲಾಗಿ👇
ದಿನಕ್ಕೆ 3 ಹೊತ್ತು ಯಾವ ಯಾವ ಹಣ್ಣು ತರಕಾರಿಗಳನ್ನು ತಿನ್ನಬೇಕೆಂಬುವುದರ ಮೆನು ಸಿದ್ದಪಡಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ..👇
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ಬದಲು 👇
ತೋಟಗಳಲ್ಲಿನ ಗಿಡ-ಮರ, ಪಕ್ಷಿ- ಪ್ರಾಣಿಗಳ ಜೊತೆ ಕಳೆಯಿರಿ..👌
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👉ಪಿಜ್ಜಾ ಬರ್ಗರ್, ಬಟ್ಟೆಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ ನೀರಿನಂತೆ ಹಣ ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡುವ ಬದಲು👇
ಹೊಟ್ಟೆಗಾಗಿ ತಾಜಾ ಹಣ್ಣು ತರಕಾರಿಗಳನ್ನು ಸವಿಯಲು ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡಿ👌
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👉ಸಲೂನ್ ಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಮಸಾಜ್, ಸೌಂದರ್ಯಕಾರಣಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡುವ ಬದಲು👇
👉ಮಾನವೀಯತೆಯಿಂದ ಮನಸ್ಸನ್ನು ಪರಿಶುದ್ಧಗೊಳಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ..👌
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👉ಗರ್ಲ್ ಫ್ರೆಂಡ್ಸ್, ಬಾಯ್ ಫ್ರೆಂಡ್ಸ್ ಗೋಸ್ಕರ ರಾಶಿ ರಾಶಿ ಗಿಫ್ಟ್ ಪ್ರೆಸೆಂಟ್ ಮಾಡುವ ಬದಲು👇
ಬಂಧುಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ, ಬಡಜನರಿಗಾಗಿ ಸಹಾಯ ಮಾಡಲು ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡಿ..👌
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👉ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ -ಸಿನೆಮಾ ತಾರೆಯರನ್ನು, ಪರಸ್ತ್ರೀ - ಪರಪುರುಷರನ್ನು ಮೋಹಿಸುವ ಬದಲು👇
ನಿಮ್ಮ ಸ್ವಂತ ತಂದೆ - ತಾಯಿ,ಗಂಡ - ಹೆಂಡತಿ, ಬಂಧು- ಬಳಗ ಹಾಗೂ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರನ್ನು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸಿ..👌👍
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👉ಮೇಲಿನ ಎಲ್ಲ ಆಧುನಿಕ ಆಡಂಬರ ಜೀವನ , ತೋರಿಕೆಯ ಜೀವನದಿಂದಾಗಿ ನಾವು ಹಣ - ಗುಣ ಮತ್ತು ಆರೋಗ್ಯ- ನೆಮ್ಮದಿಯನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇವೆ. ಅಲ್ಲದೇ ನಮ್ಮ ಅರಿವಿಗೆ ಬಾರದಂತೆ ನಮ್ಮನ್ನಾಳುತ್ತಿರುವ ಜನರನ್ನು ಕುಬೇರರನ್ನಾಗಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇವೆ. ಅದರ ಬದಲು👇
ನೈಜ ಜೀವನವನ್ನು ನಾವು ರೂಢಿಸಿಕೊಂಡಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವಸ್ಥ ಆರೋಗ್ಯ, ನೆಮ್ಮದಿಯ ಜೀವನವನ್ನು ನಮ್ಮದಾಗಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು, ರಕ್ತ ಹೀರುವ ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಪರೋಪ ಜೀವಿಗಳ ಬಾಧೆಯಿಂದ ಮುಕ್ತರಾಗಿ ನಾವೇ ಆರೋಗ್ಯ ಹಾಗೂ ಐಶ್ಚರ್ಯವಂತರಾಗಿ ಬದುಕಬಹುದು..👌👍
💛❤💛❤💛❤💛❤💛
ಈಗ👇
ನಿಮಗೆ ಯಾವ ರೀತಿಯ ಜೀವನ ಬೇಕೆಂಬುದನ್ನು ನೀವೇ ನಿರ್ಧರಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಬದುಕಿ.. ಏಕೆಂದರೆ👇
ನಾವು ಮಾಡುವ ಕಾರ್ಯಗಳು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯವೋ ಅಥವಾ ಕೆಟ್ಟವೋ ಆಗಿರಬಹುದು.. ಆದರೆ ಆ ಕಾರ್ಯಗಳಿಗೆ ತಕ್ಕಂಥ ಪ್ರತಿಫಲಗಳನ್ನು ದೇವರು ಮುಂದೊಂದು ದಿನ ಕೊಟ್ಟೇ ಕೊಡುತ್ತಾನೆ ಎಂಬುದನ್ನು ಮರೆಯದಿರಿ🙏
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ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಕಾರ್ಯಗಳನ್ನು ಮಾಡಿ👌 ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಪ್ರತಿಫಲಗಳನ್ನು ಸ್ವೀಕರಿಸಿ👍......🙏
💛❤💛❤💛❤💛❤💛

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Language has a great impact those who speak rude cannot sell honey, but those who speak sweet can sell chillies.

When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. That's where your power is.

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.... When you stop communication... You start loosing your valuable relationship...

*Respect* people who find time for you in their busy schedule, but *love* people who never look at their schedule when you need them...

The best gift you could ever give someone is your *TIME* Because you're giving them something that you'll never get back.

Be grateful for all the obstacles in your life. They have strengthen you as you continue with your journey. 

There are two types of pain in the world Pain that hurts you,   AND  pain that changes you

Never try to dominate the one who says sorry to you for their mistake because, they understand, you are more important than their ego.

You were born with all the unique abilities, knowledge and talents you need for your mission in life. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone else

Our Positive Action Combined With Positive Thinking Results in Success. Remember Things Do Not Happen. Things Are Made to Happen.

Life is really nothing without *love and care*. Give it to everyone but don't expect it back. Because it's *feel* not a *deal*.

Best part of our life is  when our family understands you as a friend & your friends support you as your family.

Discussion are always better than arguments, because an argument is to find out *who* is right , and a discussion is to find *what* is right.

*********

The first time I was in Sweden , one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September,bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second or third days. One morning I asked him, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, don't you think that whoever gets in late will need a place closer to the door?" Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe named Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart, Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week. 

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fuelled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being".

French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has come to the notice of USA , the pupils of the fast and "do it now" brigade.

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. 

It means re-establishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive work place where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.

It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence.

In the movie, 'Scent of a Woman', there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al Pacino responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance the tango!  

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious to live for the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists.

We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

*********

I'm sure you will enjoy this. One word in the English language that could be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep is *UP*.Read until the end... you'll laugh.

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is *'UP'*. It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand *UP*, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake *UP*?

At a meeting, why does a topic come *UP*? Why do we speak *UP*, and why are the officers *UP* for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss *UP*) and why is it *UP* to the secretary to write *UP* a report? We call *UP*our friends, brighten *UP* a room, polish *UP* the silver, warm *UP* the leftovers and clean *UP* the kitchen. We lock *UP* the house and fix *UP* the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir *UP* trouble, line UP for tickets, work *UP* an appetite, and think *UP* excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed *UP* is special.

And this *UP* is confusing: A drain must be opened *UP* because it is blocked *UP*.

We open *UP* a store in the morning but we close it *UP* at night. We seem to be pretty mixed *UP* about *UP*!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of *UP*, look *UP* the word *UP* in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes *UP* almost 1/4 of the page and can add *UP* to about thirty definitions.

If you are *UP* to it, you might try building *UP* a list of the many ways *UP* is used. It will take *UP* a lot of your time, but if you don't give *UP*, you may wind *UP* with ( *UP* to) a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding *UP*. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing *UP*. When it rains, it soaks *UP* the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry *UP*. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it *UP*, for now...... my time is *UP*!

So, did this whole thing, crack you *UP*?
*********

The story behind *INDAN INSTITUTE OF SCIENCE*
Jamshedji Nusserwanji Tata was once, travelling to Germany in a Chikago bound ship.
As he stood there, at the door of his First Class Cabin in the Steam-liner,
 he noticed a lot of activity on the lower decks of the Ship. On enquiring,
he learnt that a great Indian Saint Shri Swami Vivekananda was on board the same ship.

Out of genuine respect and curiosity J.N. Tata decided to pay a visit to the great saint.
Swami Vivekananda had of-course heard about the respected industrialist.
As the conversation grew J.N. Tata explained that he was on his way to Germany.

 "I have with me sacks of soil : From various parts of India. I am taking these samples of soil to Germany.

I wish to know if Iron can be extracted profitably from any of these districts." said J.N. Tata to the Saint.

 To which Swami Vivekananda replied, "Well, Sir, Even if these sacks contain Iron-rich soil,do you honestly believe that the Germans will tell you the TRUTH???

You must understand that No / NONE of the European Nations wish to see a Strong / Steel-Rich / Economically Independent India.The soil is probably rich in Iron-ore but the sad truth is all you will get from your enquiries across Europe is
Disbelief and Pessimistic reactions." Needless to say, having interacted with several Europeans J.N. Tata knew this to be true. Swami Vivekananda continued,

"Why don't you start an excellent / up-to-date Research Facility and College here in India???

 Why don't you train some good Indian Youngsters to identify soil and conduct these tests and find ways ofprofitably extracting metals???

It may seem like a wasteful ; burdensome expenditure right now,

But in the long run- It will save you many trips to Europe and you can have the assurance of knowing the Truth quickly- rather than taking multiple opinions due to Doubt".

As he could clearly sense J.N. Tata's mood was in acquiescence he further elaborated,

 "Seek an audience with the Maharaja of Mysore H.R.H. Wodeyar. Though a subordinate of the British,he will definitely help you in every way he can. H.R.H. Wodeyar has been generous enough
to sponsor my own trip to Chicago to attend the Parliament of Religions".
After returning to IndiaTata wrote to Vivekananda "I trust, you remember me as a fellow-traveller on your voyage from Japan to Chicago. I very much recall at this moment your views on the growth of the ascetic spirit in India... I recall these ideas in connection with my scheme of Research Institute of Science for India, of which you have doubtless heard or read".

J.N. Tata headed straight for Mysore.

And indeed H.R.H. Chamraja Wodeyar did Not disappoint him.

The King granted 370 acres of land for the setting up of the Research Facility and College
that J.N. Tata had envisioned and it
was named,

*THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF SCIENCE.*

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