Part 147 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

Arz hai....

machhar ne aapko kata.... ye uska junun  tha

wa wa wa wa

machhar ne aapko kata ye uska junun tha.....
147 Collection of fun filled jokes , humor , quotes , greetings
😳😳😳 phir aapne vaha khujaya ye aapka sukun tha.... 😅😅 chah kar bhi aap use maar nahi paye.... 👏 gaur farmaiye huzur chah kar bhi aap use maar nahi paye.... 👏👏 kyoki uski rago me aapkahi khun tha..😝😝😝😝😝
Husband and wife went shopping to get new sarees for the wife.

After seeing numerous sarees, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25.

 Out of these she asked her husband to choose 5 sarees among them.

Then she finally picked up one saree.
It took 5 hours to finalise one saree.

The husband settled the bill and commented :"Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.

Ultimate comment of wife:- Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky u have to just sit in AC shop ...

Moral : 
Never argue with woman while shopping.😜😜😜
Remember everything happens for a reason. Maybe you don't see the reason right now. But, nothing you've gone through has been in vain. Life is rearranging perfectly to give you exactly what you you need.
ಜಡ್ಜ್:-" ನೀನು ಹೆಂಡತಿಯನ್ನು ಮಾರಿದ್ದೇಕೆ..?"
ತಿಮ್ಮ:-" ಸ್ವಾಮಿ ಅವಳೇ ಹೇಳಿದ್ಲು ನಾನು ಒಲಿದರೆ ನಾರಿ ಮುನಿದರೆ ಮಾರಿ.. ಮೊನ್ನೆ ಮುನಿದ್ಲು...."
ಮದುವೆಯಾದ ಮರುದಿನವೇ ತಿಮ್ಮ ತನ್ನ ಪತ್ನಿಯನ್ನು ಹಿಡಿದು ಹೊಡೆಯತೊಡಗಿದ.
ಪಕ್ಕದ ಮನೆಯವರು ಏಕೆ ಹೊಡೆಯುತ್ತಿರುವೆ? ಎಂದು ಕೇಳಿದರು.
ತಿಮ್ಮ ಹೇಳಿದ "ಟೀ ಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮಂತ್ರಿಸಿದ ತಾಯಿತಾ ಹಾಕಿದ್ದಾಳೆ" ಎಂದು ದೂರಿದ.
ಪೆದ್ದು ತಿಮ್ಮನ ಮುಖ ಗುರಾಯಿಸುತ್ತಾ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಅಳುತ್ತಾ ಹೇಳಿದಳು "ಮಂತ್ರಿಸಿದ ತಾಯಿತಾ ಅಲ್ಲ ಅದು ಟೀ ಬ್ಯಾಗ್" 🤣🤣
One day  Chitragupta told Bramha that he should stop this scheme that if ladies keep Varalakshmi pooja...they will get the same  husband for the next 7 janmas. 

Brahma asked, ”Why”❓

Chitragupta : .Sir, its becoming difficult to manage...
The wife want the same 
 Husband  👨 and the husband  want a new wife💃
Its a problem to convince both.

Bramha : But this can’t be stopped...
It’s been going on since times immemorial.
Just then Narada  comes and he suggested...
On earth, there is a great person called " Chanakya" 👳
Ask him for a solution.

(Chitragupta meets "Chanakya")

In one minute "Chanakya" solves the problem...😎

he advised .Chitragupta..
Any  wife who wants the same ..husband... tell her that, 
she will also get the same  "MOTHER IN LAW".         for the next 7 lives  💀😖👹

All women screamed "oh god no!!!" 

Problem solved😜😜😜
Females never listen properly

Wife         : I lost my keys
                   again !

Husband : It's in your

Wife.       : Don't drag my
                  family into

ಮಲಗೋ ಮುಂಚೆ ಒಂದ್  ಸಲಹೆ...

ಮಲಗೋವಾಗ ಒಂದು ಸೊಳ್ಳೆನಾದ್ರೂ ಹೊಡೆದು ಮಲ್ಕಳ್ಳಿ...
ಯಾಕಂದ್ರೆ ಉಳಿದ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆಗಳೆಲ್ಲ ಅದರ ಅಂತ್ಯಕ್ರಿಯೆಗೆ ಹೋಗ್ತವೆ...
ನೀವು ಆರಾಮಾಗಿ ಮಲ್ಗಬಹುದು.....ಶುಭರಾತ್ರಿ 😂😂😂
I came home from work
Was tired. Sat down on the sofa, Put my feet up.

Wife brought me a glass of water. Son gave me a sheet of paper 📄

English.    17 /100
Hindi.        35/100
Maths.      40 /100
Physics     37/100
Chemistry 42/100

I lost my temper

Bloody idiot, Duffer, Ullu da pattha, What is this? All the time on phone and TV. How dare you show me such marks?

Wife said...ek min suno toh

I told her 
"Shut up. Its your love and pampering that has spoilt him. He is no good. Bloody useless!!!"

Wife said...oh ho..sun toh lo

I said
"Kya sun lo. Reh kya gaya sun ne ke liye. Khandaan ki naak kat gayi. No one in our family has performed so badly ever."

Son said...
*"Papa i was cleaning old almirah. I found this. This is your marksheet."*



This is a good one..

A Boss Asks his Employee: “Do you believe that there is Life After Death?”.

Employee: “Certainly not Sir, there’s no proof of it”.

Boss: “Well, there is.... After you left office early yesterday to go to your cousin’s funeral, he came here looking for you.” …😳😝😝😝
Towards the end of the Jashan for Parsi New Year, the Priest asked: "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"‎
80% held up their hands.
The Priest then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Batliwala ? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Batliwala that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Oh, would you please come over in front and tell us all how a person of ninety-eight years of age not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation & said: ‎" None of them is alive. I have outlived all the bastards & bitches." ‎😀😀😀
ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ ಸಂಗತಿ.......

ತಂದೆ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ:-ದೊಡ್ಡವನಾದ ಮೇಲೆ ಏನಾಗ್ಬೇಕು ಅಂದ್ಕೋಂಡಿದ್ಯಾ??

ಮರಿ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ:-ನಿನ್ನಂಗೆ ಮಲೇರಿಯಾ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ ಆಗ್ತೀನಿ...

ತಂದೆ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ:- ಥೂ ನಿನ್ನ....
ಡೆಂಗೆ ಅಥವಾ ಚಿಕುನ್ ಗುನ್ಯದು ಕೋರ್ಸ್ ಮಾಡು 
ಸಕತ್ ಸ್ಕೋಪ್ ಇದೆ...
Mafia Don's son failed school exams....!!!!

"Dad.......they questioned 
me for 3 hours .....but .....
I told them nothing" 😜😜😂😂