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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 84

Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 84At the *Annual Business Meet*

*CEO* : Where do you see the company after 3 quarters?📈📊

*Employees* : After 3 quarters 🍷🍷🍷we don't really care about the company !!

*********

When the ancient Chinese
decided to live in peace, they
made the great wall of China.
They thought no one could
climb it due to its height.
During the first 100 years of its existence, the Chinese were
invaded thrice. And everytime,
the hordes of enemy infantry
had no need of penetrating or
climbing over the wall...
because each time they bribed the guards and came through
the doors.

The Chinese built the wall but
forgot the character-building
of the wall-guards.
Thus, the building of human character comes BEFORE
building of anything else..
Thats what our Students need
today.

Like one Orientalist said:
If you want to destroy the civilization of a nation there
are 3 ways:
1. Destroy family structure.
2. Destroy education.
3. Lower their role models and
references.

 1. In order to destroy the
family: undermine the role of
Mother, so that she feels
ashamed of being a
housewife.

2. To destroy education: you should give no importance to
Teacher, and lower his place in
society so that the students
despise him.

3. To lower the role models:
you should undermine the honest and high character, doubt them untill no
one listens to them or follows
them. the corrupt  will automatically become the  role models. 

For when a conscious mother
disappears, a dedicated
teacher disappears and there's a downfall of role models,
WHO will teach the youngsters
VALUES?

Have a thought!
Is our home also invaded?

*********

ಫೇಸ್ಬುಕ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಕಂಡದ್ದು:

ಅಮೆರಿಕಾದ ಮೆಡಿಕಲ್ ಅಸೋಸಿಯೇಷನ್ ಮುಖ್ಯಸ್ಥರ ಇತ್ತೀಚೆಗಿನ ಸಂಶೋಧನಾ ವರದಿ ಪ್ರಕಾರ:
"ಒಬ್ಬ ಸಾಧಾರಣ ಮನುಷ್ಯನಿಗೆ ಬೆಳಗಿನ ಉಪಾಹಾರಕ್ಕೆ 75% ಕಾರ್ಬೋಹೈಡ್ರೇಟ್ ಮತ್ತು 25% ಪ್ರೊಟೀನ್ ಇರುವ ಆಹಾರ ಬೇಕು"

ಇದನ್ನು ಓದಿದ ನಮ್ಮ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನ 'ಉಡುಪಿ ಬ್ರಾಹ್ಮಣರ ಇಡ್ಲಿ ಹೊಟೇಲ್' ಮಾಲೀಕರ ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ರಿಯೆ:
"ಎಂತದು ಮಾರಾಯ್ರೇ ಇದು... ಇವರಿಗೆ ಬೇರೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಇಲ್ಲವಾ? ನಾವು 130 ವರ್ಷಗಳಿಂದ ಅದನ್ನೇ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾ ಬಂದಿದ್ದಲ್ಲವಾ? ಇಡ್ಲಿಗೆ ಮೂರು ಪಾಲು ಅಕ್ಕಿ (ಕಾರ್ಬೋಹೈಡ್ರೇಟ್) ಒಂದು ಪಾಲು ಉದ್ದು(ಪ್ರೊಟೀನ್) ಹಾಕದಿದ್ದರೆ ಇಡ್ಲಿ ಆಗುತ್ತಾ? ಇದಕ್ಕೆ ಎಂತಾ ರಿಸರ್ಚ್ ಬೇಕು. ಕರ್ಮ "
😀😛🙏

*********

💥ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಪತ್ರಿಕೆಯೊಂದರ ಉತ್ತರ💥
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಹದಿನೈದು ಹಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಹೆಸರುಬರೆಯಿರಿ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಮೂಸಂಬಿ, ಕಲ್ಲಂಗಡಿ, ಆಪಲ್
ಮತ್ತು ಒಂದು ಡಜನ್
ಬಾಳೆಹಣ್ಣು
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಟ್ಟು ಎಷ್ಟುದೇಶಗಳಿವೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ ಇರೋದು ಒಂದೇ ದೇಶ,
ಅದು ಭಾರತ...
ಮಿಕ್ಕಿದ್ದೆಲ್ಲಾ ವಿದೇಶ.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ವಾಸ್ಕೋಡಿಗಾಮ ಭಾರತಕ್ಕೆ ಯಾಕೆ ಬಂದ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ನನ್ನ ಫೇಲ್ ಮಾಡೋಕ್ಕೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕಾಯಿಸಿದಾಗ ಘನ ವಸ್ತುವಾಗಿ ಪರಿವರ್ತನೆ
ಹೊಂದುವ
ದ್ರವ ಯಾವುದು?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಇಡ್ಲಿ, ದೋಸೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- 1983ರ ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ ವಿಶ್ವಕಪ್ ಯಾರಿಗೆ ಸಿಕ್ತು?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಗೆದ್ದವರಿಗೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಅತೀ ಚಿಕ್ಕದಾದ ಒಂದು ಪ್ರಬಂಧ
ಬರೆಯಿರಿ
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಮಳೆ ಬಂದ ಕಾರಣ
ಪಂದ್ಯವನ್ನು ರದ್ದುಗೊಳಿಸಲಾಗಿದೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮಹಾತ್ಮ ಗಾಂಧೀಜಿ ಸಾಯದೇ ಇದ್ದಿದ್ದರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಈಗಲೂ ಬದುಕಿರುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕ್ಲೋರೈಡ್ ಅನ್ನು ಕಾಯಿಸಿದಾಗ
ಏನಾಗುತ್ತದೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಕಾಯುತ್ತದೆ.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮೊಗಲರು ಎಲ್ಲಿಯವರೆಗೆ ರಾಜ್ಯಭಾರ
ಮಾಡಿದರು?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಸುಮಾರು 14ನೇ ಪುಟದಿಂದ
22ನೇ ಪುಟಗಳವರೆಗೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ನೀರಿನಿಂದ ಯಾಕೆ ಕರೆಂಟ್ ತೆಗೀತಾರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:-ಸ್ನಾನ ಮಾಡೋವಾಗ ಶಾಕ್ ಹೊಡೆಯುತ್ತೆ
ಅಂತ!
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮಾತು ಬರದವರನ್ನು ಮೂಗ ಎಂದು ಕರೆದರೆ,
ಕಿವಿ
ಕೇಳಿಸದವನನ್ನು ಹೇಗೆ ಕರೆಯುತ್ತಾರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಹೇಗೆ ಬೇಕಾದರೂಕರೆಯಬಹುದು, ಏಕೆಂದರೆ
ಅವರಿಗೆ ಕೇಳಿಸಲ್ಲ.

😀😀 ನಕ್ಕಿದ್ದು ಮುಗಿತಲಾ,
ಶೇರ್ ಮಾಡಿ ಮತ್ತಷ್ಟು ನಗಿ..

*********

*9 short stories worth reading, feeling and forwarding to all those dear to you*  ..
 
1. *FALL and RISE*
  
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground.  He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .
 
2. *A FATHER'S ADVICE*
 
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try!  You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product.  Amateurs started Google and Apple.  Professionals built the Titanic
 
3. *The POWER of UNIQUENESS* .
 
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success.  He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.
 
4. *LOOKING BACK*
 
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class.  When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.
 
5. *TRY and YOU shall KNOW*
 
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!
 
6. *GOODNESS & GRATITUDE*
 
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug.  When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her.  She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of world trade centre.
  
 
7. *LOOKING BACK*
 
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”
 
8. *AFFECTION*
 
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed.  About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
 
 
 
9. *SHARING*
 
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe.  He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy.  Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating.  The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”
 
Cheers to life 😃😊😊

*********

*SOME DAY & ONE DAY*
 
_A friend of mine opened his wife's wardrobe and picked up a silk paper wrapped package._

_"This," he said, "isn't any ordinary package."_

_He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box and silk satin dresses inside._

_"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it."_

_He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died._

_He turned to me and said, "never save something for a 'special occasion'. Every day in your life is a *'Special occasion'"*_

_I still think those words changed my life._

_Now I read more and clean less._

_I sit on the porch without worrying about anything._

_I spend more time with my family, and less at work._

*_I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through._*

_I no longer keep anything._

_I use crystal glasses every day._

_I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it._

*_I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to._*

_The words *'Someday....' and ' One Day...'*are fading away from my dictionary._

_If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now._

_I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell._

_*Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.*_

_Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one._


_If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days', remember that *'One day' is far away... or might never come.....*_

*********

Wife (angrily) 😡: I don't believe this.. 
You forgot my birthday again??
How can you do this..
      
Husband: How can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older..!

Wife (clears her throat & smiles)☺☺ : Jaanu, Sacchi..

😛Husband in his mind- "saala sahi time pe dialogue aa gaya..warna khatam tha tu aaj 😜😜 !!"

*********
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