SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 87

Once An Old man was waiting for Train....


Boy : What's the Time ?
Old man : Sorry.
Boy : Time ?
Old man : No!.
Boy : Why ?
Old man : If i tell you the time,you will ask me my name, my job,etc.Then both of us will be frank..May be you get seat beside me.U may go to same city..My daughter will come to receive me.She is beautiful, you both may fall in love then she might insist to marry you and I'm sorry I don't want a son in law who doesnt even have a watch !.

Boy : Alalala mudka😔

*********

Interviewers ask routine questions to candidates ....Some weird answers....

*Q - Tell us about yourself ?*
A - Yourself is pronoun used when the subject and object of the verb are you!

*Q - Where do you see yourself in 5 years down the line ?*A - Asking stupid questions to new candidates.

*Q - What are your expectations ?*
A - Salary 🤑🤑🤑

*Q - What challenges you faced in your earlier job ?*
A - Staying awake after lunch !!

*Q - Why do you want to join our company ?*
A - Nobody else is taking me. Your  company is closer to my home....

*Q - What attracts you to our company ?*
A - The receptionist !!

*Q - Why you left your previous job ?*
A - Previous company shifted office and they didn't inform me new address !!

*Q -Are you willing to travel 20 days in a month ?*
A - Yes...but just don't ask me where I had gone...!!

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The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
"Who never talks back to mother? and
"Who does everything mother says?"
Five small voices replied in unison. "Okay daddy! You get the toy."

😝😝😝😝

*********

ನಾನು ಅಹಂಕಾರದಿಂದ ಹೇಳಿದೆ 
ಎಷ್ಟು ಬೆಲೆ ಕೊಟ್ಟಾದರೂ ಆ 
ಭೂಮಿ ನಾನು ಪಡೆಯುವೆ..

ಭೂಮಿ ನಯವಾಗಿ ಹೇಳಿತು 
ಯಾವ ಬೆಲೆ ಕೊಡದೆ ನಿನ್ನನ್ನು
ನಾನು ಪಡೆಯುವೆ..

*********

Education Is Not A Name Of Any Degree Or Certificate 
That Can Be Shown To Others As Proof..
BUT
Education Is The Reflection Of Our _Attitude, Actions, Language, Behaviour_ & Personality With Others In Real Life.

*********

The best cure for the Body is a Quiet Mind.........
And the best cure for the Mind is .......... "Never Mind''
Always look for What's Wrong before looking Who's Wrong!!

*********

What is Kaliyug and what will happen during Kaliyug ?

-asked The four Pandavas 
(except Yudhishthira who was not present) 


Krishna smiled and said "let me demonstrate you the situation of Kaliyug"

 He took a bow and four arrows and shot them in four directions, and ordered the four Pandavas to bring them back.

Each of the four Pandavas went in four different directions to search for the arrows.

Arjuna- when he picked the arrow, he heard a very sweet voice.. he turned back and saw a cuckoo was singing bhajans in very spellbinding voice but was also eating flesh of a live rabbit which was in great pain.

 Arjuna was very surprised to see such a gory act by such a divine bird ...he left the place immediately.



Bhima picked the arrow from a place where five wells were situated, the four wells were surrounding a single well. 

The four wells were overflowing with very sweet water as if they were not able to hold water and surprisingly the well in the middle of these four overflowing wells was completely empty.

 Bhima was also puzzled at this sight.



Nakula was returning to the place after picking up the arrow he stopped at a place where a cow was about to give birth.

 After giving birth the cow started licking the calf but continued to lick it even after the calf was clean, with great difficulty people were able to separate them and by that time the calf was injured badly. 

Nakula was puzzled by the behavior of such calm animal.


Sahdev picked an arrow which fell near a mountain and saw a big boulder falling, the boulder was crushing the rocks and big trees on his way down, but the same boulder was stopped by a small plant.

Sahdev was also amazed at this sight.

All the Pandavas asked the meaning of these incidents from Krishna who smiled and started explaining-
" In Kaliyug the priests will have very sweet voice and will also have great knowledge but they will exploit devotees the same way cuckoo was doing with rabbit. 

In Kaliyug poor will live among rich, those rich will have enormous amount of wealth which will actually overflow but they will not offer a single penny to the poor same as the four well didn't had a single drop of water for the empty well. 


In Kaliyug parents will love their children so much that their love will actually spoil them and will destroy their lives similar to the love shown by cow to her newborn calf.


In Kaliyug people will fall in terms of character like the boulder from the mountain and they will not be stopped by anyone at the end only the name of God will be able to hold them from doom like the little plant held the boulder from further fall.


That's the explanation of Kaliyug from Lord Krishna to Pandavas...

Let's try to understand the meaning...

*********

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 86

*Types of Ladies*

Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:


1. *HARD DISK lady*: Remembers everything forever.

2. *RAM lady*: Forgets about you the moment you leave.

3. *SCREENSAVER lady*: Just for looking.

4. *INTERNET lady*: Difficult to access.

5. *SERVER lady*: Always busy when needed 

6. *MULTIMEDIA lady*: Looks beautiful but you can only look.

7. *VIRUS lady*: This type of lady is normally called *WIFE*, once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.

😝😝

*********

ಪತ್ನಿ: - ನನ್ನ ಕೂದಲು ನೆರೆಯಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ ..
.ವಾಟ್ ಶುಡ್ ಐ ಡು   ??
ಪತಿ: -ವೈ  ಡೋಂಟ್  ಯು  "ಡೈ" ??😜😜
A lady failed the driving test 4 times. At the fifth attempt, she was determined to pass. But the test had the same question : "You are driving at 120mph. On your right is a wall, on your left is a cliff. On the road, you see a old man and a young man. What will you hit ?". The woman walked up to the examiner and said, "I've answered this question in all four ways, wall, cliff, young man, old man. Yet I failed all the four times. How is this possible? What am I supposed to hit ????"






Examiner : *"The brakes!!!"*

*********

DOCTOR: why did you take your Medicine at 6 am yet I told you 9 am..?

PATIENT: I wanted to surprise the Bacteria..

*********

A ನಿದು ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ
B ಹೇವಿಯರ್ ಸರಿಯಿಲ್ಲ
C ರಿವಂತರಿಗೆ ಸೆನ್ಸ್ ಯಿಲ್ಲ
D ಗ್ರೀ ಮಾಡಿದರೂ ಪ್ರಯೋಜನವಿಲ್ಲ
E ngineering ಮಾಡೋನಾಂದ್ರೆ
F uture ಇಲ್ಲ
G ವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಜಿಗುಪ್ಸೆಯಾಗಿದೆ
H ಆಗಿರುವ ಜನಸಂಖ್ಯೆಯಲ್ಲಿ
I ಯೋ ಅನ್ನೋರಿಲ್ಲ
J ail ಗೆ ಹೋಗೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
K D ಗಳ ಸಾಮ್ರಾಜ್ಯ
L ಹೋದ್ರು ಬೇಜಾರು
M oney ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಂದ್ರೆ
N ನ್ನಂತವರಿಗೆ ಜಾಗವಿಲ್ಲ
O ಬ್ಬನೆ ಇರೋಣಂದ್ರೆ ಬೇಜಾರ್
P icture ಗೆ ಹೋಗಾಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
Q ನಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಲ್ಕಕ್ಕಾಗಲ್ಲ
R ಮಿಗೆ ಸೇರೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
S ಕೇಪ್ ಅಗೋಕಾಗಲ್ಲ
T V ನೋಡೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
U seless ಅಂತಾರೆ
V ಚಿತ್ರವಾದ
W orld ನಲ್ಲಿ
X ಪಿರಿಯೆನ್ಸಯಿಲ್ಲ
Y man?ಅನ್ನೊರಿಲ್ಲ
Z oo ನಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಪ್ರಾಣಿಯಂತಿರುವ ಮನುಷ್ಯ ...........?

*********

Never make  women cry...There is nothing more expensive than a female tear💧 When a single drop  comes out, it first mixes with 'Loreal' eyeliner (Rs.650)&👀 'Dior' mascara (Rs.2500)...😝Then when it rolls down the cheek,😥 it mixes with 'D&G' blusher (Rs.2500)...😱 😊& finally when it touches the lips,👄 it gets mixed with 'Maybelline' lipstick (Rs.850)...💄 This means that a single drop is ruining  Rs.6000.....
Pls don't make them cry....😂😈😄 Issued in public interest & especially married guys..😜

*********

A Construction Supervisor from 16th Floor of a Building was calling a Worker on Ground Floor.

Because of noise
the Worker
did not hear his Call.

To draw Attention,
the Supervisor threw a 10 Rupee Note
in Front of Worker.

He picked up the Note, put it in His Pocket &
Continued to Work.

Again to Draw Attention the Supervisor threw 500 Rupee Note & the Worker did the same,

Now the Supervisor picked a small Stone & threw on the Worker.

The Stone hit the Worker.

This time the Worker looked Up &
the Supervisor Communicated with Him.
.
.
This Story is same as to our 'LIFE'...

God wants to Communicate with Us,
but We are Busy doing our Worldly Jobs.

Then, he gives Us Small Gifts & Big Gifts......
We just keep them without looking from Where We Got it.
We are the Same.
Just keeping the gifts
without Thanking him, 
We just say
We are LUCKY.

And when we are Hit with a Small Stone, which We call PROBLEMS,
then only We look Up & Communicate with him.
Thats why it is said. .....
He gives, gives and forgives 
And
We get, get and forget.......

*********

We all love Sardar jokes. My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During the last vacation, few friends came to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed..

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ''Sons, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city !!!"

My friend continued, "That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere."

👻MORAL:
The secret behind their universal success is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, run a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry, ... but he will never beg on the streets 

Because Sikhs contribute: 

* 33% of total income tax
* 67% of total charities
* 45% of Indian Army 
* 59,000++ Gurudwaras serve LANGAR to 6,000,000+ people everyday! 
& 
All this when THEY make only 1.4% of the total INDIAN POPULATION.

And they don't ask for reservation.

*********

This story is about a person working with a freezer plant.
It was almost the day end. Everyone had packed up to check out.
A technical snag developed in the plant and he went to check.
By the time he finished it was late. The doors were sealed and the lights were off.
Trapped inside the ice plant for the night without air and light, an icy grave was almost sure for him.
Hours passed thus. Suddenly he found someone opening the door.
Was it a miracle?
The security guard entered there with a torch and helped him to come out.
On the way back the person asked the security guard, “How did you know that I was inside? Who informed you?” the guard said, “No one sir; this unit has about 50 people. But you are the only one who says Hello to me in the morning and Bye in the evening.
You had reported in morning. But did not go out. That made me suspicious.”
He never knew a small gesture of greeting someone would prove to be a lifesaver for him.
You never know - it may work a miracle in your life too.

*Education is not a degree or certificate that can be shown to others as proof. It is our attitude, actions, language and behaviour with others in real life*

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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 85

ತಿಮ್ಮ: ನಾನು ತೆಂಗಿನಮರ ಹತ್ತಿ ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಇಂಜೀನಿಯರಿಂಗ್ ಕಾಲೇಜ ಹುಡುಗಿಯರು ಕಾಣತಾರೆ ಗೋತ್ತಾ.
ಗುಂಡ: ಹತ್ತಿದ ಮೇಲೆ ಕೈ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ನೋಡು ಮೆಡಿಕಲ್ ಕಾಲೇಜ ಹುಡುಗಿಯರು ಕಾಣತ್ತಾರೆ.

😄😄😜

ಬ್ರಾಹ್ಮಣರ ಇಡ್ಲಿ ಹೋಟೆಲ್'ಗೆ ಶತಾವಧಾನಿ ಗಣೇಶ ಅವರು ಉಪಾಹಾರಕ್ಕೆ ಹೋಗಿದ್ದರು. ಮಾಣಿ ಪ್ರತ್ಯಕ್ಷನಾದ. ಅವನಿಗೆ ಇವರ ಮುಖ ಪರಿಚಯ ಇತ್ತು. 'ಸ್ವಾಮಿ, ನೀವು ಶತಾವಧಾನಿಗಳು. ಅಲ್ದಾ?' ಹೌದೆಂದರು ಗಣೇಶ್. ಸಂಭಾಷಣೆ ಹೀಗೆ ಮುಂದುವರೆಯಿತು.

'ನಾನೊಂದು ಸಮಸ್ಯೆ ಕೊಡುತ್ತೇನೆ ಉತ್ರ ಕೊಡಿ, 

'ಹೇಳಪ್ಪ 

'ಒಂದು ಪದ್ಯ ಮಾಡಿ. ಅದರಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಹೇಳೋ ಐಟಮ್ ಅಷ್ಟೂ ಇರ್ಬೇಕು. ಅದೇ ಸರದಿಯಲ್ಲೂ ಬರಬೇಕು

'ಹೇಳಿ'.

'ಸಾಂಬಾರು, ಚಟ್ನಿ, ವಡೆ, ಇಡ್ಲಿ'.

ಮಾಣಿಯ ಮುಖದಲ್ಲಿ ಗೆದ್ದ ನಗು. ಶತಾವಧಾನಿಗಳು ಅರ್ಧ ನಿಮಿಷ ಕಣ್ಣುಮುಚ್ಚಿ ಯೋಚಿಸಿ, ಗಂಟಲು ಸರಿಪಡಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಮಾತು ಶುರು ಮಾಡಿದರು:

'ಹೇ, ಸಾಂಬಾ, ರುದ್ರಾ!
ಚಟ ಚಟ್ ನಿಟಿಲಾಕ್ಷಾ!
ಜಗದೆಲ್ಲೆಡೆ ನೀನಿರುವಡೆ,
ನಾ ಕಾಲೆಲ್ಲಿಡ್ಲಿ?'

ಸುಸ್ತಾದ ಮಾಣಿ 'ನಿಮಗೆ ಒಂದು ಪೆಷಲ್ ಕಾಪಿ  ಅಂತ ಓಡಿದ!

*********

What does it mean to be educated?
Those who are not spoiled by their successes,who do do not desert their true selves,but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober minded men,rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth - Socrates(470-399B.C.)

*********

_BALANCE SHEET Of LIFE:_*
😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇

        🔺Birth is your
          *Opening Stock*.
                  
🔺What comes to you is
                  *Credit.*
                  
🔺What goes from you is
                   *Debit.*

       🔺Death is your
            *Closing Stock.*

🔺Your ideas are your
               *Assets.*

🔺Your views are your
              *Liabilities.*

🔺Your happiness is your
                   *Profit.*

🔺Your sorrow is your
                  *Loss.*

   🔺Your soul is your
               *Goodwill*.

🔺Your heart is your fixed
                   *Assets*.

🔺Your duties are your
   *outstanding Expenses.*

🔺Your friendship is your
        *hidden Adjustment.*

🔺Your character is your
                  *Capital.*

🔺Your knowledge is your
               *Investment*.

🔺Your patience is your
            *Bank Balance*.

🔺Your thinking is your
         *current Account*.

🔺Your behaviour is your
              *journal Entry*.

🔺Bad things is your
          *Depreciation*.

Have a nice balance sheet.

      Always Remember
              *😍GOD😍*
                  *is your*
            *😊Auditor😊*
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

*********

*Kaizen Story: Tiger in the Toilet*

Once a stranded Tiger entered the washroom in a Corporate Office and hid in a dark corner. Since there were people outside the washroom through the day, the Tiger was afraid to come out.

Many people frequented the washroom, but the frightened Tiger didn’t touch anyone. However, after four days it couldn’t bear hunger anymore, so it caught a man who had come in, and ate him. 

This man happened to be an Assistant General Manager in the organization, but nobody noticed his disappearance. 

Since nothing untoward happened, the Tiger became bolder and after two days caught another man and ate him. 

This man was the General Manager of the organization. 

Still, nobody worried over his disappearance (Some people even happy that he was not seen in the office).

Next day, the Tiger caught the Vice President who was a terror in the organization. 

Again nothing happened. The Tiger was very happy and decided that this was the perfect place for him to live. 

The very next day the happy Tiger caught a man who had entered the washroom while balancing a tray of teacups in one hand. 

The frightened man fell unconscious. Within fifteen minutes a huge hue and cry ensued, and everyone in the office started looking for the man. The search team reached the washroom, flushed out the Tiger and saved the unconscious man. He was the tea boy in the office.

*Moral of the Story*

It is not the position, but our usefulness to others that makes us lovable and respectable. If your subordinates are happy in your absence that means your not a perfect leader.

Acknowledgement: From the book *Tiger in the Toilet*

*********

ಓದಿ ಆಲೋಚಿಸಿ... 

ಐಸಿಯುನಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದವನ ರಾಶಿ ಫಲ ನೋಡಿದಾಗ ಅದರಲ್ಲಿ ಹೀಗಿತ್ತು.

ಇಂದು ನಿಮಗೆ ಶುಭದಿನ, ದೂರದ ಪ್ರಯಾಣ, ಕಡಿಮೆ ಖರ್ಚು, ಹಳೆಯ ಬಂಧುಗಳನ್ನು ಸಂಧಿಸುವಿರಿ, ಪ್ರಯಾಣಕ್ಕೆ ಯಾವುದೇ ಅಡೆತಡೆ ಇರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.



*********

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 84

At the *Annual Business Meet*

*CEO* : Where do you see the company after 3 quarters?📈📊

*Employees* : After 3 quarters 🍷🍷🍷we don't really care about the company !!

*********

When the ancient Chinese
decided to live in peace, they
made the great wall of China.
They thought no one could
climb it due to its height.
During the first 100 years of its existence, the Chinese were
invaded thrice. And everytime,
the hordes of enemy infantry
had no need of penetrating or
climbing over the wall...
because each time they bribed the guards and came through
the doors.

The Chinese built the wall but
forgot the character-building
of the wall-guards.
Thus, the building of human character comes BEFORE
building of anything else..
Thats what our Students need
today.

Like one Orientalist said:
If you want to destroy the civilization of a nation there
are 3 ways:
1. Destroy family structure.
2. Destroy education.
3. Lower their role models and
references.

 1. In order to destroy the
family: undermine the role of
Mother, so that she feels
ashamed of being a
housewife.

2. To destroy education: you should give no importance to
Teacher, and lower his place in
society so that the students
despise him.

3. To lower the role models:
you should undermine the honest and high character, doubt them untill no
one listens to them or follows
them. the corrupt  will automatically become the  role models. 

For when a conscious mother
disappears, a dedicated
teacher disappears and there's a downfall of role models,
WHO will teach the youngsters
VALUES?

Have a thought!
Is our home also invaded?

*********

ಫೇಸ್ಬುಕ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಕಂಡದ್ದು:

ಅಮೆರಿಕಾದ ಮೆಡಿಕಲ್ ಅಸೋಸಿಯೇಷನ್ ಮುಖ್ಯಸ್ಥರ ಇತ್ತೀಚೆಗಿನ ಸಂಶೋಧನಾ ವರದಿ ಪ್ರಕಾರ:
"ಒಬ್ಬ ಸಾಧಾರಣ ಮನುಷ್ಯನಿಗೆ ಬೆಳಗಿನ ಉಪಾಹಾರಕ್ಕೆ 75% ಕಾರ್ಬೋಹೈಡ್ರೇಟ್ ಮತ್ತು 25% ಪ್ರೊಟೀನ್ ಇರುವ ಆಹಾರ ಬೇಕು"

ಇದನ್ನು ಓದಿದ ನಮ್ಮ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನ 'ಉಡುಪಿ ಬ್ರಾಹ್ಮಣರ ಇಡ್ಲಿ ಹೊಟೇಲ್' ಮಾಲೀಕರ ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ರಿಯೆ:
"ಎಂತದು ಮಾರಾಯ್ರೇ ಇದು... ಇವರಿಗೆ ಬೇರೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಇಲ್ಲವಾ? ನಾವು 130 ವರ್ಷಗಳಿಂದ ಅದನ್ನೇ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾ ಬಂದಿದ್ದಲ್ಲವಾ? ಇಡ್ಲಿಗೆ ಮೂರು ಪಾಲು ಅಕ್ಕಿ (ಕಾರ್ಬೋಹೈಡ್ರೇಟ್) ಒಂದು ಪಾಲು ಉದ್ದು(ಪ್ರೊಟೀನ್) ಹಾಕದಿದ್ದರೆ ಇಡ್ಲಿ ಆಗುತ್ತಾ? ಇದಕ್ಕೆ ಎಂತಾ ರಿಸರ್ಚ್ ಬೇಕು. ಕರ್ಮ "
😀😛🙏

*********

💥ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಪತ್ರಿಕೆಯೊಂದರ ಉತ್ತರ💥
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಹದಿನೈದು ಹಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಹೆಸರುಬರೆಯಿರಿ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಮೂಸಂಬಿ, ಕಲ್ಲಂಗಡಿ, ಆಪಲ್
ಮತ್ತು ಒಂದು ಡಜನ್
ಬಾಳೆಹಣ್ಣು
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಟ್ಟು ಎಷ್ಟುದೇಶಗಳಿವೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ ಇರೋದು ಒಂದೇ ದೇಶ,
ಅದು ಭಾರತ...
ಮಿಕ್ಕಿದ್ದೆಲ್ಲಾ ವಿದೇಶ.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ವಾಸ್ಕೋಡಿಗಾಮ ಭಾರತಕ್ಕೆ ಯಾಕೆ ಬಂದ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ನನ್ನ ಫೇಲ್ ಮಾಡೋಕ್ಕೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕಾಯಿಸಿದಾಗ ಘನ ವಸ್ತುವಾಗಿ ಪರಿವರ್ತನೆ
ಹೊಂದುವ
ದ್ರವ ಯಾವುದು?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಇಡ್ಲಿ, ದೋಸೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- 1983ರ ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ ವಿಶ್ವಕಪ್ ಯಾರಿಗೆ ಸಿಕ್ತು?
✏ಉತ್ರ: - ಗೆದ್ದವರಿಗೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಅತೀ ಚಿಕ್ಕದಾದ ಒಂದು ಪ್ರಬಂಧ
ಬರೆಯಿರಿ
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಮಳೆ ಬಂದ ಕಾರಣ
ಪಂದ್ಯವನ್ನು ರದ್ದುಗೊಳಿಸಲಾಗಿದೆ
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮಹಾತ್ಮ ಗಾಂಧೀಜಿ ಸಾಯದೇ ಇದ್ದಿದ್ದರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಈಗಲೂ ಬದುಕಿರುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಕ್ಲೋರೈಡ್ ಅನ್ನು ಕಾಯಿಸಿದಾಗ
ಏನಾಗುತ್ತದೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಕಾಯುತ್ತದೆ.
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮೊಗಲರು ಎಲ್ಲಿಯವರೆಗೆ ರಾಜ್ಯಭಾರ
ಮಾಡಿದರು?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಸುಮಾರು 14ನೇ ಪುಟದಿಂದ
22ನೇ ಪುಟಗಳವರೆಗೆ
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🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ನೀರಿನಿಂದ ಯಾಕೆ ಕರೆಂಟ್ ತೆಗೀತಾರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:-ಸ್ನಾನ ಮಾಡೋವಾಗ ಶಾಕ್ ಹೊಡೆಯುತ್ತೆ
ಅಂತ!
=
🎯ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ:- ಮಾತು ಬರದವರನ್ನು ಮೂಗ ಎಂದು ಕರೆದರೆ,
ಕಿವಿ
ಕೇಳಿಸದವನನ್ನು ಹೇಗೆ ಕರೆಯುತ್ತಾರೆ?
✏ಉತ್ರ:- ಹೇಗೆ ಬೇಕಾದರೂಕರೆಯಬಹುದು, ಏಕೆಂದರೆ
ಅವರಿಗೆ ಕೇಳಿಸಲ್ಲ.

😀😀 ನಕ್ಕಿದ್ದು ಮುಗಿತಲಾ,
ಶೇರ್ ಮಾಡಿ ಮತ್ತಷ್ಟು ನಗಿ..

*********

*9 short stories worth reading, feeling and forwarding to all those dear to you*  ..
 
1. *FALL and RISE*
  
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground.  He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .
 
2. *A FATHER'S ADVICE*
 
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try!  You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product.  Amateurs started Google and Apple.  Professionals built the Titanic
 
3. *The POWER of UNIQUENESS* .
 
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success.  He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.
 
4. *LOOKING BACK*
 
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class.  When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.
 
5. *TRY and YOU shall KNOW*
 
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!
 
6. *GOODNESS & GRATITUDE*
 
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug.  When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her.  She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of world trade centre.
  
 
7. *LOOKING BACK*
 
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”
 
8. *AFFECTION*
 
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed.  About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
 
 
 
9. *SHARING*
 
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe.  He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy.  Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating.  The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”
 
Cheers to life 😃😊😊

*********

*SOME DAY & ONE DAY*
 
_A friend of mine opened his wife's wardrobe and picked up a silk paper wrapped package._

_"This," he said, "isn't any ordinary package."_

_He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box and silk satin dresses inside._

_"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it."_

_He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died._

_He turned to me and said, "never save something for a 'special occasion'. Every day in your life is a *'Special occasion'"*_

_I still think those words changed my life._

_Now I read more and clean less._

_I sit on the porch without worrying about anything._

_I spend more time with my family, and less at work._

*_I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through._*

_I no longer keep anything._

_I use crystal glasses every day._

_I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it._

*_I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to._*

_The words *'Someday....' and ' One Day...'*are fading away from my dictionary._

_If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now._

_I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell._

_*Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.*_

_Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one._


_If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days', remember that *'One day' is far away... or might never come.....*_

*********

Wife (angrily) 😡: I don't believe this.. 
You forgot my birthday again??
How can you do this..
      
Husband: How can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older..!

Wife (clears her throat & smiles)☺☺ : Jaanu, Sacchi..

😛Husband in his mind- "saala sahi time pe dialogue aa gaya..warna khatam tha tu aaj 😜😜 !!"

*********

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 83

👩🏼ಸೊಸೆ: ಹಲೋ..


👵🏻ಅತ್ತೆ: ಹಲೋ ನಾನಮ್ಮ, ನಿನ್ನ ಅತ್ತೆ.. ಚನಾಗಿದಿಯಾ?

👩🏼ಸೊಸೆ: ನಾನ್ ಸೂಪರ್... ನೀವು ?

👵🏻ಅತ್ತೆ: ನಾನೂ ಚನಾಗಿದೀನಮ್ಮ .. ನನ್ ಮಗ 👨🏼 ಹೆಂಗಿದಾನೆ ?

👩🏼ಸೊಸೆ: ಅವ್ರಾ ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆಯಲ್ಲಿದಾರೆ 🏥🚑🤕🤒.. 

👵🏻ಅತ್ತೆ: ಅಯ್ಯಯೋ 😱 ಏನಾಯ್ತು ನನ್ ಮಗನಿಗೆ ?? 😨😭

👩🏼ಸೊಸೆ: ಅದಾ, ನಿನ್ನೆ ಆಫೀಸ್ ಇಂದ ಬರ್ತಿದ್ಹಾಗೆ,🚗  'ಲೇ ಏನಾದರೂ ಇದ್ರೆ ಕೊಡೆ, ಹೊಟ್ಟೇಲಿ ಇಲಿಗಳು🐀🐀🐀 ಓಡಾಡ್ತಿದಾವೆ' ಅಂದ್ರು..

ಅತ್ತೆ👵🏻: ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ನೀನೇನ್ಮಾಡ್ದೆ?? 😰😨

ಸೊಸೆ: ನಾನ್ ಇಲಿ ಪಾಶಾಣನ ಕಾಫಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ☕ ಬೆರಸಿ ತಂದು ಕೊಟ್ಟೆ.. ಈಗ ICU ನಲ್ಲಿ ದಾರೆ.. ಸರಿ ಹೋಗ್ತಾರೆ ಬಿಡಿ.. 😏🤗😇

*********

😛😜😂😂😂
AIDS WARNING !
To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this is specially for you...
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS !!!
YES, AIDS...
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
Not forgetting HIV
(Hair is Vanishing)
Its good to see you smile and do pass it on to others, so that they can smile too!

*********

ಸವಿ ನುಡಿ

ಕೋಪದಿಂದ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ಗುಣವನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ.

ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗಿ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ಶಾಂತಿಯನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ.

ಅನಗತ್ಯವಾಗಿ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ಕೆಲಸವನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ.

ಅಹಂಕಾರದಿಂದ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ
ಪ್ರೀತಿಯನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ.
 
ಸುಳ್ಳು ಸುಳ್ಳು ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ
ಹೆಸರು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ.

ವೇಗವಾಗಿ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ಅಥ್ರವನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ

ಪ್ರೀತಿಯಿಂದ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ಎಲ್ಲವನ್ನು ಗಳಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವೆ..

*********

🌺 ಜೀವನ ರಥ ಸಾಗುವ ಪಥ 🌺

🍀 ಪರಮಾತ್ಮನಲ್ಲಿ ಪೂರ್ಣ ನಿಷ್ಠೆ
🍀 ಜ್ಞಾನದಲ್ಲಿ ಪರಿಪೂರ್ಣತೆ
🍀 ಆಹಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಾತ್ವಿಕತೆ
🍀 ದೃಷ್ಟಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಪವಿತ್ರತೆ
🍀 ಮನದಲ್ಲಿ ವಿಶಾಲತೆ 
🍀 ಬುದ್ಧಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ದಿವ್ಯತೆ 
🍀 ಸೇವೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಮ್ರತೆ 
🍀 ಸ್ನೇಹದಲ್ಲಿ ಪರಿಶುದ್ಧತೆ 
🍀 ಕರ್ಮದಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಶಲತೆ 
🍀 ವ್ಯವಹಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಭ್ಯತೆ 
🍀 ಮುಖದಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರಸನ್ನತೆ 
🍀 ಸಾಧನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ದೃಢತೆ 
🍀 ಯೋಗದಲ್ಲಿ ತನ್ಮಯತೆ 
🍀 ಆಚಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವಚ್ಛತೆ 
🍀 ವಿಚಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಶ್ರೇಷ್ಠತೆ 
🍀 ಪರಿವಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಏಕತೆ 
🍀 ಸಂಸ್ಕಾರದಲ್ಲಿ ಶುದ್ಧತೆ 
🍀 ಮಾತಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಮಧುರತೆ 
🍀 ಸಂಬಂಧದಲ್ಲಿ ನಿರ್ಲಿಪ್ತತೆ 
🍀 ಬದುಕಿನಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಶ್ಚಿಂತತೆ 
🍀 ಕಾರ್ಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಫಲತೆ 
🍀 ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಹಗುರತೆ

*********

The sharing of marriage... 

The old man placed an order for one plain hamburger, French fries and a drink. 

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. 

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. 

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. 

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. 

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' 

She answered

.....
......
......
 
 
 

'THE TEETH. 😂😂

*********

Worlds 8  superb  sentences

            Shakespeare.👌
Never  play  with the feelings of  others  because  you may win the  game but the  risk is that  you  will surely  lose  the person  for a  life time.

             Napoleon.👌
The world  suffers  a  lot. Not because  of  the  violence  of bad people, But because   of the silence of good people!

                Einstein.👌
I  am  thankful  to  all those who  said  NO  to  me   It's because  of  them  I  did  it myself.

            Abraham Lincoln.👌
If friendship is your weakest point  then  you  are  the strongest  person  in the world.          

          Shakespeare.👌
Laughing  faces  do  not mean that  there is  absence of sorrow!  But it means that they  have the ability to deal with it. 

           William  arthur.👌
Opportunities   are  like sunrises, if  you  wait too long  you  can miss them. 


                Hitler.👌
When  you  are  in  the light,
Everything follows  you, But when  you  enter  unto   the dark, Even your own shadow doesn't  follow  you.

              Shakespeare.👌
Coin  always  makes  sound but  the  currency  notes are always  silent.  So  when  your value  increases  keep quiet.

*********

To all liquor loverzzzz:

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
- George Burns

I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on.
~Oscar Levant

I take a drink only on two occasions, when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
~Brendan Behan

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy! 
~Frank Sinatra

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!
-Kinky Friedman

Dear Alcohol, 
We had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
-Anonymous

I used to think, drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking.
-Anonymous

I would date you, but my heart already belongs to Johnny Walker.
-Anonymous

Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.
-Anonymous

You look like I need another drink!  
-Anonymous

I say 'NO' to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen.

*********