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SMS Jokes , Quotes , Funny texts - Page 3

Collection of some of the best shares among our community !! Be Happy , Keep others Happy by sharing these !

There r many brave people, who always want to fight & be Adventurous.
Some choose 
ARMY
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 3

& retire soon...

Others get 
MARRIED 
& fight till Death...

========================================
Beautifully answer by  Lord Buddha:
"Master, What's the difference between "like" n "love"?
Buddha's answer was so simple:
"When u like a flower, u just pluck it.  But when u love a flower, u water it daily..! 
One who understand this , understands life ...
========================================
3 fastest means of communications
1) tele phone
2) tele vision
3) tell a woman
Still need faster communication : Tell her NOT to tell anyone😝
========================================
Management Lesson :
One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house of a washer man.
The washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.
The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself.
The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own.

Now take a new look at the same story.
The washer man was like a typical top management corporate guy.
He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box.
He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.
He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a research approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.
Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and the donkey became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well.
In the Appraisal the dog managed an "8".
The donkey was rated as "9".
Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards.
Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a switch....
Moral of the story-Remains the same- "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

========================================
Drunk and driving

2 dost Daaru pee k ghar ja rahe the.

Tabhi 1 chillya - Deewar ...Abe samne dekh deewar hai ....deewar... dewaar dekh kameene......  dhadaaaaam! 😫😳

They hit the wall. 

The next day in the hospital 
1st askd 2nd - Abe main chilla chilla k Bol rha tha dewar hai dewar hai... suna kyu nhi tune??

2nd answered him: - Abe saale... Gaadi tu hi chala raha tha ..!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

========================================

Chanakya writes

"If you want to be
Happy with your husband,
Love him Less &
Understand him more !

If you want to be
Happy with your wife,
Love her More &
NEVER try to Understand her !"

========================================
Dedicated to All married 
At late night wife's mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.�
He wakens his wife.
Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???
Surprised wife checks her mobile.
Wife (double angrily):heyyy... use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.
===================================================
Wife : Shall I prepare Sambhar or Rasam today .
Husband : First make it, we will name it later 
===================================================
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start
guessing & suggesting
===================================================
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at
5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and
listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the
dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be
bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring
him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
===================================================
Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on
zero.
===================================================
Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about
at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the
lion there !
===================================================
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their
anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE.Nooooo! That was the deal
===================================================
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the
food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious,
let's eat."
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows
how to cook.
===================================================
Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"�😝😝

===================================================
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started….
*************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started….
***************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started….
***************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My Word!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started….
***************************

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,’I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
And then the fight started….
***************************

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I’ve not been in a long time.”
So I took her to the kitchen.
And then the fight started….
***************************

Thought of the day:

Whenever you get Pains in your life, Just think about the full form of Pains.
"Positive Attitude In Negative Situation" 
Follow it, Life will change!

===================================================
Son: Dad, U said that we
        are created by God
        and Mom said that we
        have evolved from
        monkeys, Which is
        true?

Dad :  I told U about my
            side of the family
             and she told about
              her side of the
              family.
===================================================
Smart answer by a female...

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

Lady
'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
===================================================

Super Insults:

A letter from a teacher to a parent: 

Dear Parent, 
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him......
===================================================
Mother to Son: 
Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don't know
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also 
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also 
===================================================

A cute excuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student-one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
===================================================
Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand?? 
Salesman: Rs.18,000/- 
Girl: OMG
Girl: and iphone?? . . 
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG
===================================================
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday 
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!! 
===================================================

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