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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 72

Super Joke:
Teacher: Tel me opposite words...
Teacher: cool
Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 72
Gunda: hot Teacher: girl Gunda: Boy Teacher: india Gunda: Pakistan Teacher: good keep it up Gunda: bad put it down Teacher: stop it Gunda: start that Teacher: idiot getout Gunda: clever come in Teacher: oh my god Gunda: oh ur devil Teacher: Yappa sako Gunda: Yavva beko 😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆😆

*********

Experiences are
neither favourable
nor unfavourable.
They are PREPARATORY.
Each experience
prepares you
for the next challenge.

*********

My friend invited me to his home for Pooja, and I sat at the front row.

When it was time for offering, the offering plate was passed around. Despite the Priest 's call for good offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out an old worn out note of Rs 5 from my pocket and dropped it. Just then, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a Rs1000 note. I smiled, so generous. Then majestically, I looked around and put the Rs1000 in the plate and passed it on. Then I turned and thanked the man seriously for being so generous. He replied "don't mention'' be more careful next time, it fell from your pocket" 

Whaaaat!!!!!???????......." 😳😳😂😂😂

WHY DO WE SHOUT WHEN ANGRY ????

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled 'n asked.

'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .

'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper 'n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other 'n that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

He looked at his disciples and said.

'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.'

**********

Author and lecturer, Leo Buscaglia, once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.


The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner's were:

1.  A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old man's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy just said: 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'



2.  Students, of class one in a school, were discussing a student's family picture. One little boy in the picture had a hair colour, different from the other family members.
One of the other students suggested that he was adopted.


A little girl said: 'I know all about
adoption, bcoz I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted ?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart, instead of her tummy.!'



3. Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play.
His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..
  
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school.
Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..  'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me..: 'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'



4.   An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December.
A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the road, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
with cold.


A lady approached the young boy and said: 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
The boy replied:'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes.'

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy.
She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel.
He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back
part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel. 

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks.
Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now..'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
in his eyes, asked her:


'Are you God's wife.........?'

*********

What we desire is not always what we Get... 
But unknowingly many times we get things much more than what we Expect... 
These are called Blessings...

*********

"If your eyes are positive you will love the world and if your tongue is positive the world will love you."
*********

Every Situation has three Dimensions.
My Views,
Your Views,
AnD...
The Truth.
Success goes with the one
who follows the Third Dimension..!

*********

A man who has gone out of his town comes back and finds that his house is on fire.

It was one of the most beautiful houses in the town, and the man loved the house the most! Many people were ready to give double price for the house, but he had never agreed for any price and now it is just burning before his eyes.

And thousands of people have gathered, but nothing can be done, the fire has spread so far that even if you try to put it out, nothing will be saved. So he becomes very sad.

His son comes running and whispers something in his ear: 

"Don't be worried. I sold it yesterday and at a very good price ― three times.The offer was so good I could not wait for you. Forgive me."

Father said, "thank God, it's not ours now!"  Then the father is relaxed and became a silent watcher, just like 1000s of other watchers.

Please think about it! Just a moment before he was not a watcher, he was attached. It is the same house....the same fire.... everything is the same...but now he is not concerned. In fact started enjoying it just as everybody else in the crowd.

Then the second son comes running, and he says to the father, "What are you doing? You are smiling ― and the house is on fire?" The father said, "Don't you know, your brother has sold it."
He said, "we have taken only advance amount, not settled fully. I doubt now that the man is going to purchase it now."

Again, everything changes!!

Tears which had disappeared, have come back to the father's eyes, his smile is no more there, his heart is beating fast. The 'watcher' is gone. He is again attached.

And then the third son comes, and he says, "That man is a man of his word. I have just come from him. He said, 'It doesn't matter whether the house is burnt or not, it is mine.
And I am going to pay the price that I have settled for. Neither you knew, nor I knew that the house would catch on fire.'" 

Again the joy is back and family became 'watchers'! The attachment is no more there.

Actually nothing is changing!

just the feeling that "I am the owner! I am not the owner of the house!" makes the whole difference.

This simple methodology of watching the mind, that you have nothing to do with it..Everything starts with a Thought !

Most of the thoughts are not yours but from your parents, your teachers, your friends, the books, the movies, the television, the newspapers. Just count how many thoughts are your own, and you will be surprised that not a single thought is your own. All are from other sources, all are borrowed ― either dumped by others on you, or foolishly dumped by yourself upon yourself, but nothing is yours.

Sow a thought, you reap an action.
Sow an act, you reap a habit.
Sow a habit, you reap a character.
Sow a character, you reap a destiny..! 

*********

Something interesting regarding those who believe and those who don't believe in God ! Very interesting. It stimulates our lateral thinking :

This lovely parable is from "Your Sacred Self" by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and  listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

May be this was one of the best explanations to the  concept of 'GOD'.

*********

ತಂದೆ ಗಾಳಿಪಟವನ್ನು ಹಾರಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು. ಮಗ ಗಾಳಿಪಟ
ಹಾರುವುದನ್ನು ಜಾಗರೂಕತೆಯಿಂದ ನೋಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದನು.
ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಮಯದ ನಂತರ ಮಗ ಹೇಳಿದ "ಅಪ್ಪ. ಈ ದಾರದಿಂದ
ಗಾಳಿಪಟವು ತುಂಬ ಮೇಲೆ ಹೋಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ."
ಇದನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು, ಆ ತಂದೆಯು ನಗುತ್ತಾ
ಗಾಳಿಪಟದ ದಾರವನ್ನು ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿದರು. ಗಾಳಿಪಟವು
ತುಂಬ ಮೇಲೆ ಹೋಗಿ ನಂತರ ನೆಲದ ಮೇಲೆ ಬಿದ್ದಿತು.
ಮಗುವಿಗೆ ಬಹಳಷ್ಟು ಬೇಸರವಾಯಿತು ಮತ್ತು ಅಳಲು
ಪ್ರಾರಂಭಿಸಿತು.
ತಂದೆಯು ಮಗುವಿನ ಮುಂದೆ ಕುಳಿತು ತಾಳ್ಮೆಯಿಂದ
ವಿವರಿಸಿದರು
"ಮಗು, ನಾವು ನಮ್ಮ ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಅತ್ಯುತ್ತಮ
ಮಟ್ಟದಲ್ಲಿ ಗಾಳಿಪಟದಂತ್ತಿದ್ದಾಗ ನಮ್ಮ ಮನೆ,
ಕುಟುಂಬ, ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿ ಮತ್ತು ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರು ಆ ಯಶಸ್ಸಿನ
ಗಾಳಿಪಟದ ದಾರದಂತಿರುತ್ತಾರೆ, ನಾವು ದಾರದಿಂದ
(ಸಂಭಂದಗಳಿಂದ) ಮುಕ್ತರಾದರೆ ಇನ್ನೂ ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನ
ಯಶಸ್ಸನ್ನು ಗಳಿಸಬಹುದೆಂದು ಯೋಚಿಸುತ್ತೇವೆ, ಆದರೆ
ನಾವು ಅಲ್ಲಿ ನೆನಪಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಇಟ್ಟಿಕೊಳ್ಳಬೇಕಾದ
ಅಂಶವೆಂದರೆ ಆ ಸಂಭಂದಗಳೆಂಬ ದಾರವನ್ನು ತೊರೆದಲ್ಲಿ
(ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿದಲ್ಲಿ) ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಮೇಲೆ ಹೋಗುತ್ತೇವೆ ಆದರೆ
ಖಂಡಿತವಾಗಿಯು ಕೊನೆಗೆ ನಾವು ನೆಲ ಕಚ್ಚುತ್ತೇವೆ.
ನೆನಪಿಡು ಮಗು. ಮೇಲೆ ಹೋಗುವುದು ಸುಲಭ ಆದರೆ
ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಸ್ಥಿರವಾಗಿ ನಿಲ್ಲವುದು ಬಹಳ ಕಷ್ಟ. ಮತ್ತು ನಮ್ಮ
ಮನೆ, ಕುಟುಂಬ, ಸ್ಹೇಹಿತರು ಹಾಗೂ ನಮ್ಮ ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿ
ನಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಯಶಸ್ಸಿನ ಮೇಲಿನ ಹಂತದಲ್ಲೆ ಇರಲು
ಸಹಕರಿಸುತ್ತವೆ,ನಾವು ಅವುಗಳಿಂದ ದೂರಾಗಲು
ಯತ್ನಿಸಿದಾಗ ಈ ಗಾಳಿಪಟದಂತೆಯೆ ನಮ್ಮ
ಜೀವನವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ.

ಸಾರಾಂಶ:

"ಎಂದಿಗೂ ನಮ್ಮ ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿ, ಕುಟುಂಬ ಮತ್ತು ನಮ್ಮ
ಸಂಭಂದಗಳನ್ನು ತೊರೆಯಬಾರದು,

ಆ ಸಂಭಂದಗಳೇ ನಮ್ಮ ದಾರ.

ಜೀವನದ ಈ ಸೂತ್ರವೇ ಸುಂದರ.

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