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SMS Jokes, Quotes , Funny texts - Page 6

Wife & Husband

WIFE - Tumne shaadi se pehle kyun nahi bataya ke tumhari Raani naam ki ek or wife bhi hai....??

HUSBAND - Bataya to tha tumhe Raani ki tarah rakhunga..!!
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 6


Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??



DICTIONARY ही एक ऐसी जगह है
जिसमें:
1. Death, Life से पहले आती है।
2. End, Start से पहले आता है।
3. Divorce, Marriage से पहले आता है।
4. Child, Parents से पहले आता है।
5. Evening, Morning से पहले आती है।
6. Result, Test से पहले आता है।
7. Destination, Struggle से पहले आता है।
8. Dinner, Lunch से पहले आता है।
9. Doctor, Fever से पहले आता है।
केवल एक चीज़ Dictionary में
सही आती है
और
वह है
'FRIENDS', जो Relatives से पहले
आते हैं।
IF U LIKE IT THEN SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS

=================================================
Stock Market
There lived lot of monkeys in a village.

One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys.

He announced that he will buy a monkey @  hundred rupees each.

The villegers thought that this man is mad

They thought  , how can somebody buy stray monkeys
.did anybody give 100 rupees
For this useless monkeys?
Still,some peoples caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave 100 rupees for each monkey.

This news spread like anything and people caught monkeys and sold it to the🐥 monkey merchant.

After some days he announced that he will buy monkeys @ 200 each.

The lazy villegers ran around to catch the remaining monkeys

They sold the remaining monkeys @200 each.

Then the merchant announced that he buy monkeys @500 each.


The villegers lost sleep. .They
Caught six or seven monkeys ,which was left and got 500 each...

The villegers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.

Then the merchant announced that he is going home for one week
And when he returns. .he buy monkeys @ 1000 each...

He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys.
He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.

The merchant went home ...

The villegers were very sad that .There were no monkeys left for them to sell it at 1000 rupees.

Then his employee told them that he will give some monkeys @700 each secretly.
👍👍


This news also flashed like fire ,since the merchant buy monkey @ 1000 each.300 profit for one monkey...

LADDU broke on villegers head...

The next day villegers made a que near the monkey cage

The employee sold all the monkeys at 700 each

The rich bought monkeys in lot. The poor also borrowed money from financers and bought monkeys.

He sold all the monkeys @ 700 rupees .

The villegers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return.


But nobody came...
Then they ran to the employee. ...

But he has already left. .

Then the villegers realised
That ,they have bought the useless & stray monkeys
@ 700 each

This is the business ,now we
Call STOCK MARKET

This business has made lot of peoples to bankruptcy &  very little people crorepathies in this monkey business. .

How is my story of stock market...no no ..monkey market ?if u like the story share with ur friends.let them also laugh....


============
Complete & Finished

Can any one say the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.'

However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

His response was: When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished.' And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished.'

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Drunkards

3 fully drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk 🍻so he started the engine & turned it off again. He told them.... "We have reached".

The 1st guy gave him money &
the 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.

The driver was shocked,😳 thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.


He asked "whats that for?".

The 3rd guy replied:
"Next time drive slowly"

For the 1st time , someone has written something good for men also.....  !!

========
Who is a MAN
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation.
 He sacrifices his chocolates🍬 for his  sister.
He sacrifices his dreams 💭for just a  smile on his parents' face.
  He spends his entire pocket money💰 on buyng gifts💝 for the lady 👰     he loves💞 just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children👪 by working late   at night without any complaint.
He builds 🏡their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.
 He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife  & boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others'   happiness
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's a lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's a irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from working, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life. U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!
HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
Which never comes.

=====
Loose Motion

4 Students:
1 of HARVARD
1 of OXFORD
1 of TEXAS
&
Santa Singh of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY...

1 Common Question:-

"What is the Fastest thing in the World?"

Student of HARVARD: "Light"

Student of OXFORD: "Thought"

Student of TEXAS:
"Blink of an Eye"

SANTA SINGH of PUNJAB UNIVERSITY:
"Loose Motion!"

Because

Last Night I Was Lying On My Bed & Before I Could
"Blink", "Think" or "Turn on the Light",,
It was all Over...😝

Harvard / Oxford / Texas Shocked .... Punjab Rocked...!!!

================

After death a man reached at heaven gate. There he met Chitra Gupta

Chitra Gupta : You have to answer a question after that you can enter.

The man: What’s that?

Chitra Gupta : You have to spell a word. In case you fail, you will be taken to Hell.

The man: Which word?

Chitra Gupta : “Love”

The man: Okay, it’s “L-O-V-E”

Chitra Gupta : Correct! Come inside.

As he was about to enter in heaven Chitra Gupta’s mobile rang.

Chitra Gupta : God is calling me for some urgent work, I have to go for a minute. You please keep eyes on the gate until I come back.

The man: Okay, for sure.

 Chitra Gupta : Please, ask the same question if anybody comes here in my absence, if they reply with the correct spelling you can let them enter in heaven, otherwise send them to Hell from the other gate.

The man: I’ll obey.

Just after Chitra Gupta  left, the man saw a lady coming towards him.

 She was his wife.
The man asked: Hey Leela,how you reached here?

Leela : After your death when I was going back to home from the cemetery, a bus hit me and I found myself here.Now you move aside and let me in.

The man: No, as per rules here, you must spell a word correctly to enter in heaven, otherwise you will be taken to hell from that other gate, the man replied.

Leela: Which word?

The man: “Czechoslovakia"

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