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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 16

Is this just a coincidence...!!!
This has got to be one of the cleverest msgs I've received in a while,
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 16

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)

1. DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
A SPARKLING DRIVE

2. PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

3. MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

4. DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

5. ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

6. DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

7. THE EYES
When you rearrange
THEY SEE

8. A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE


MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER...
Forward it quickly..
This is new in the market..
Before anybody msgs it....

==========================================

Loyalty Tests...

Test 1:
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby..

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people

Total silence...



Test 2:
A couple sees a hot girl..
Wife: So big, aren't they?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural.
Wife: Ear-rings and Natural??
.
Total Silence
.

Best one
Test 3:
Men will always be Men -
Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" and rest of them said- "WHERE WHERE!"
This 1 is awesome !!!!

==========================================

Wife joins English speaking class , After few days -
Wife : Welcome home darling !
Husband : I am so tired today
Wife : OK - Rest in peace !!

==========================================

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said: - Be strong,  friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's Cook the goat!!!!

Lesson:
Whatever you do, always mark a Cc to your boss.

==========================================

HR Manager in Heaven!!!

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "

"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules."

And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
 ...
 ...
 ...
 ....
 ....

 "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".  Dedicated to all companies

==========================================

A giant ship engine failed.

The ship's owners tried one expert after another,
but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.

He carried a large bag of tools with him,
and when he arrived,
he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully,
top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there,
watching this man,
hoping he would know what to do.

After looking things over,
the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.

He gently tapped something.

Instantly,
the engine lurched into life.

He carefully put his hammer away.

The engine was fixed!
A week later,
the owners received a bill from the old man for
Rs.100,000.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed.
 "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying,
"Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer..  . Rs. 2/-

Knowing where to tap...         Rs 99,998/-

Moral of the story:

Effort is important,
but knowing where to make an effort in your life,
makes all the difference.

"Life doesn't change in ONE MINUTE,
but taking decision after thinking for
ONE MINUTE
can change life."

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