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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 81

STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situations.😅
 1. At movies:
 "Hey ! What are you doing here ?"
 Me: "I am here to apply for the popcorn seller post?"
 2. In bus: An uncle steps on my feet:
 "Sorry did that hurt ?"
 Me: "No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try again ?"
Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 81
😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴 3. When I get woken up at midnight by a call: "Sorry ! Were u sleeping ?" Me: "Na ! I was doing research on monkeys in Africa. You thought I was sleeping, u stupid fool ?" 😴 💇💇💇💇💇💇💇💇 4. When they see me with shorter hair: "Hey ! Have u had a haircut ?" Me: "Nah ! Its autumn. my hair's shedding !" ☎☎☎☎☎☎☎ 5. When someone calls on land-line n asks: "Where r u ?" Me: "I'm in market with a telephone around my neck !!" 🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘 6. When I m washing my car.... Neighbor: "Hey ! Are u washing ur car ?" Me: "No, I m just watering it so that it grows into a big bus.. 😄😄😄😉😉😉 Share if U wanna put a smile on someone's face.. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

**********

ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು  ಕನ್ನಡ ದಲ್ಲಿenglish ಫಿಲಮ್ಸ್ ಡಬ್ ಮಾಡುದ್ರೆ ಹೆಸರು ಹೀಗೆ ಇರಬಹುದು? 

HOLLOW MAN- 
ತೂತ್ ಮನುಷ್ಯ.

DIE ANOTHER DAY
ಇನ್ನೊಂದ್ ದಿನ ಸತ್ತು ಹೋಗು

GONE WITH THE WIND-
ಗಾಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸತ್ತು ಹೋದ 

SUPERMAN
 ಮಸ್ತ್ ಮನುಷ್ಯ

SCORPION KING- 
ಚೇಳು ರಾಜ್ಯಾ

THE MUMMY
ಅಮ್ಮ!!!

THE MUMMY RETURNS
ಅಮ್ಮ ವಾಪಸ್ ಬಂದ್ಲು

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
ಆಗಂಗಿಲ್ಲ 

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II
ಮಂಡಳಿ ಆಗಂಗಿಲ್ಲಾ  2

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III -
ಮಂಡಳಿ ಆಗಂಗಿಲ್ಲಾ 3

IRON MAN
ಇಸ್ತ್ರೀ ಮಾಮಾ
This needs to be shared 😜😜

********

Son: Mom, U said that we
         are created by God
         and Dad said that we
         have evolved from
         monkeys, Which is
         true?

Mom :  I told U about my
             side of the family
              and he told about
               his side of the
               family.
            😜😂😜😂

*********

ವೆಂಕ ಶಿವಮೊಗ್ಗ-ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು ಬಸ್ ಹತ್ತಿದ।
ಕಂಡಕ್ಟರ್ ನಿಂದ ಭದ್ರಾವತಿಗೆ ಟಿಕೇಟ್ ತೊಗೊಂಡ। ಭದ್ರಾವತಿ ಬಂದ ಕೂಡಲೇ ತರೀಕೆರೆಗೆ ಟಿಕೇ ಟ್ ತೊಗೊಂಡ। ತರೀಕೆರೆಗೆ ಬಂದ್ ಕೂಡಲೇ ಕಡೂರಿಗೆ ಟಿಕೇಟ್ ತೊಗೊಂಡ। ನಂತರ ಬೀರೂರು ಅರಸೀಕೆರೆ ಗುಬ್ಬಿ ತುಮಕೂರು ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಕಡೆ ಮುಂದಿನ ಊರಿಗೆ ಟಿಕೇಟ್ ತೊಗೊತ್ತಿದ್ದ ವೆಂಕನಿಗೆ ಕಂಡಕ್ಟರ್ ಕೇಳಿದ "ತುಮಕೂರ್ ಬಂತು ನೆಕ್ಸ್ಟೆ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು" ವೆಂಕ "ಇಲ್ಲಿಂದ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿಗೆ ಟಿಕೇಟ್ ಕೊಡಿ" ಅಂದ!!!!!
ಅಲ್ಲಾರೀ  ಶಿವಮೊಗ್ದಿಂದ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿಗೆ ಒಂದೇ ಟಿಕೇಟ್ ತೊಗೋಬಹುದಿತ್ತು ಹಣನೂ ಉಳೀತಿತ್ತು" ಅಂತ ಕಂಡಕ್ಟರ್ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ।।।।
ವೆಂಕ ಹೇಳ್ದ " ದುಡ್ಡಿನ ಮನೆ ಹಾಳಾತು ಅದಕ್ ನಾನ್ ಕೇರ್ ಮಾಡಲ್ಲ ಡಾಕ್ಟರ್ ಮಾತು ಕೇರ್ ಮಾಡ್ಬೇಕಲ್ಲಾ"
ಕಂಡಕ್ಟರ್ ಕೇಳ್ದ " ಡಾಕ್ಟರ್ ಏನ್ ಹೇಳಿದ್ರು?"
" Long journey ಮಾಡ್ಬೇಡ ಅಂತ strict ಆಗ್ ಹೇಳವ್ರೆ"😊😊😊😊😂😊😂😂😂😂

*********

Two minute refresher management course.

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two-minute refresher management course.

*********

*Beautiful Lines for Every  Group*
    
    ''Alone I can 'Say' but 
    together we can 'talk'.
    'Alone I can 'Enjoy' but 
     together we can 
    'Celebrate'. 
    'Alone I can 'Smile' but 
    together we can 'Laugh'.
    That's the BEAUTY of 
    Human Relations. 
    We are nothing without 
    each other 
   
 *😊Stay Connected!!😊.*

*********

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 80

Call from a bank....

"Hello Mam". 
We are offering you credit card with best deals!!!.
1. No annual charges
2. No interest on balance for three months
3. Big credit limit
4. No penalties for over spending.
Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 80
Smart reply by the lady.. " No thanks ". I have husband... 1. With no lifetime charges 2. No spending limit 3. No penalties and the most important is 4. No repayment forever. Call was disconnected from Bank immediately 😜😄😜😄

*********

🇮🇳 Tricky Questions and equally witty Answers given by Candidates. ( Many of them are IAS Officers now)

❓Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
✅A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) 
---------------------------
❓Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
✅A. No time at all its already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS) 
---------------------------
❓QHow many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
✅A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries. 
---------------------------
❓Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
✅A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS) 
---------------------------
❓Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
✅A.. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. . (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) 
---------------------------
❓Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
✅A. He sleeps at night. . (UPSC IAS Rank 98) 
---------------------------

❓Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ?
✅A.. Because he is dead. 
---------------------------
❓Q. If you throw a blue stone into the red sea what will it become ?
✅A. It becomes wet. (UPSC IAS Rank 2) 
---------------------------
❓Q. What often falls but never gets hurt ?
✅A. Rain 
---------------------------
❓Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?
✅A. TOMORROW 
---------------------------
❓Q.What looks like half apple?
✅A. The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper) 
---------------------------
❓Q. What can you never eat at breakfast?
✅A. Dinner. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What gets wet while drying?
✅A. A towel. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
✅A. AGE. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
✅A. It caused a revolution. 
---------------------------
❓Q. How is it easy to weigh a fish?
✅A. Because it has its own scales. 
---------------------------
❓Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg?         ✅A. Because it is too tyred. 
---------------------------
❓Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
✅A. liquid (UPSC 33Rank) 
-----------🇮🇳--------
Real brain blasters.👆

*********

Marwadi calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.

Clerk: Rs.50/word

Marwadi: Grandpa Dead

Clerk: Sorry sir, Minimum 5 words... 😌

Marwadi: "Grandpa Dead, wheelchair for sale"😃😃😃😃😃😃😂😂😂

*********

A great relationship is about two things: 
First, appreciating the similarities, 
and 
second, respecting the differences. 😊

*********

Cellphone Etiquette 😋 

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice

 "Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on the Train"
"Yes, I know it's Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting"
"No, honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting"
"No Sweetheart,
 You're the only one in My life"
"Yes, I'm sure dear".

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
 "Rajaram darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now, Rajaram is back from hospital and doesn't use his cell phone in Public Any Longer.
😂😂😜😜😜

Keep Smiling

*********

A women saw 3 saints in front of her house. And she was not knowing any of them. 

Women said – 
“kindly come inside and have food”

Saint replied – "is your husband inside the house? ”

Women – “no, he has gone out”

Saint –“will come inside the house only when he has come”

In the evening the woman's husband comes home and she tells the complete story about the saints. 

Husband – “go and tell them I have come home and invite them inside the house.”

Women went out and called the saints inside the house. 

Saint said – “we all dont go inside anyones house together. ”

“but why?” – women asked

One of the saint replied – “my name is wealth” 

Then he pointed  to other saints and said –
“these two saints names are prosperity and love"

Only one of us can come inside your house! 

"U go in and discuss with your family and decide which saint you want to invite ”

Women went inside and told all this to her husband. 

Her husband became too excited

And said –“if this is the matter then let us invite wealth! Our house will be filled with happiness”

Wife – “I feel we should invite prosperity”

Their daughter was in the next room , she was listening to all this discussions.  She came close to them and said – 
“I feel we should invite love. Beside love nothing is important”

“you are  right, we should invite love only” – her parents agreed.

Women went out and asked saints – 
“Between you all who is love please come inside the house”

Love started walking towards the house!  

Other two saints started following love. 

The surprised women asked the saints – 
“i only invited love then why you two are coming inside the house?”

One of the saint replied – “if you had invited prosperity or wealth, then only that particular saint would have entered your house. 

But you have invited love! 

Love never walks alone, 
Where ever  love is, there is always prosperity and wealth. They all go hand in hand. 

Read this story once , twice or thrice

If you like it stay with love, 

Spread love, give love and take love. 

As love is the only secret to success !!

*********

In 1892 at Stanford University, an 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.

They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.

“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left”. The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would happen to me?” The truly great people think, “If I don’t help them, what will happen to them?” They don’t do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.

Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them. Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
He heard there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved. 

He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, “You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them.”

The world is a wonderful place. What goes around comes around. Please help others to the best of your ability. In the long run you may be helping yourself. God never forgets anyone who sows a good seed in other people, never.  

Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don't drink their own water. Trees don't eat their own fruit. Sun doesn't give heat for itself. Flowers don't spread fragrance for themselves. Living for others is the rule of nature. And therein lies the secret of living. 

If you find this useful please pass it on.

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 79

Biggest lies ever told in india..

Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 79
😜Work hard and make sure you get a high score in class X. Your entire life and career depends on it. 😜Just work for 2 years in XI and XII. If you get in a good medical college/IITs/NITs/Law schools/DU etc., your life is set. 😜Start preparing for your PG/MBA/USMLE/UPSC/GRE/GMAT/GATE etc. otherwise your friend will get the job and you'll be left behind in the race. Once you're settled, you can enjoy as much as you want. 😜You're settled now and the only logical step is to get married. If you don't do it before 30, you'll be considered 'old' and your marriage prospects will diminish. You can enjoy later. 😜Since now you have kids, you need to earn more and work extra to secure their future. Your entire life is left for you to pursue your passions. 😜Now your kid is in class X and you start with the lies, all over again, thus completing the circle of life. *********

ಈಶ್ವರ : ಪಾರ್ವತಿ... ಪಾರ್ವತಿ, ಎಲ್ಲಿ ನನ್ನ ತ್ರಿಶೂಲ.....😡😡?

ಪಾರ್ವತಿ : ನನ್ಗೆ ಏನ್ ಗೊತ್ರೀ???ಕೇಳಿ ನಿಮ್ಮಗ ಗಣೇಶನ್ನ,ಅವ್ನೇ ತೊಗೊಂಡ್ಹೋದ😒
ಈಶ್ವರ :ಯಾಕಂತೆ...???😡

ಪಾರ್ವತಿ : ಯಾರೋ ನೈವೇದ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ''ಮ್ಯಾಗಿ'' ಇಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರಂತೆ....😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂

*********

Murphy's First Law for Wives_:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

_Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:_
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your absence is noticed.

_The Salary Axiom:_
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

_Miller's Law of Insurance:_
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

_First Law of Living_:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

_Weiner's Law of Libraries:_
There are no answers, only cross-references.

_Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness_:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

_The Grocery Bag Law:_
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

And Here goes the last one !!

_Lampner's Law of Employment:_
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot !

*********

ಯಾರನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟದ ಭಟ್ಟರು ವಿಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿ,ಗಗನಸಖಿಯನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟಿದರು.....
ಯಾಕೆಂದು ಕೇಳಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ ಅಂತರಿಕ್ಷದಲ್ಲಿ ಹುಡುಗಿಯರು ದೇವಕನ್ಯೆಗೆ ಸಮಾ ಎಂದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು,,😀😀😀😀

ಯಾರ ಹತ್ರಾನೂ ನೀರನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟದ ಭಟ್ಟರು ವಿಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿ ಪೆಪ್ಸಿ-ಕೋಲಾ ಕುಡಿದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು.... ಏಕೆಂದು ಕೇಳಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ  ಭೂ ಸ್ಪರ್ಶವಾಗದ ನೀರು ಅಮೃತಕ್ಕೆ ಸಮಾ ಎಂದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು .....
😂😂😂😂

*********

Departure Instructions Note from 
Wife to Husband...

I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids &
These are the instructions and warning for you. . ⤵⤵⤵

1 - No need to call your friends and cousins. 
Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 🍕🍕👫👬

2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... 
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom.?? 📱📱🛀🚾

3 - Keep your specs in the box.. 
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 👓👓

4 - Salary already paid to maid. 
No need to be extra generous. 👯👯

5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?? 
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs.. 
And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 📰📰🏠🏠

6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kid's...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 🏃🏃

7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.  
No need to go to that lady doctor again and again.  👩💉💊

8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have  gone last month which you already attended.  
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 🎂🎁💏

9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. 
So sleep early.... 😴😴😴

10 - Stop smiling and being happy... 
as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... 
They all will be out of station in this period.... 💃💃💃

And last but not the least.

11 - Don't try to be oversmart.. 
I will be back anytime 
without informing you 
👊👊👊😝😎😎😎

*********

Law of the Garbage Truck 🚛

This has to be one of the best messages I have   received because  when you sit and think about it.... It is so true!   
 
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took  off for the airport. We were driving in the  right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in  front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded  and missed the other car by just  inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started  yelling at us.  My taxi driver just smiled and waved at  the guy. I mean, he was really friendly. 

So I asked, 'Why did you just do  that? This guy could almost ruin your car  and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'Law of the Garbage  Truck'   

He explained that many people are like  garbage trucks. They run around full of  garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointments. As and when  their  garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move  on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to  other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their  day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, So ... Love the people who treat you  right. Pray for the ones who don't.
 
Life is 10  %  what you make it.
 
AND
 
90 %  how you take it!
 
Have a garbage-free Life 😄😊☺💯✌👌

********* 

ಬಟ್ಟೆ ಹೊಲಿಯುವವರ ಬಳಿ ಅತಿ ಮುಖ್ಯವಾದ ಎರಡು ಉಪಕರಣಗಳಿರಲೇಬೇಕು.

ಒಂದು ಸೂಜಿ, ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಕತ್ತರಿ. ಇವೆರಡೂ ಜೊತೆಯಲ್ಲೇ ಇರುವುದಾದರೂ ಇವೆರಡರ ಸ್ವಭಾವ ಮಾತ್ರ ವಿರುದ್ಧ.

ಕತ್ತರಿ ಬಟ್ಟೆಯನ್ನು ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿ ತುಂಡು ತುಂಡು ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ. ಆದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಆ ತುಂಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಜೋಡಿಸಿ ಒಂದುಗೂಡಿಸುತ್ತದೆ. 

ಕತ್ತರಿಗೆ ಹೋಲಿಸಿದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಅತಿ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ವಸ್ತು. ಸಾಮಾಜಿಕವಾಗಿ ಇದರಿಂದ ಒಂದು ನೀತಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕುತ್ತದೆ.

ಕೆಲವರು ಕತ್ತರಿಯಂತೆ ತಮಗೆ ಬೇಡವಾದುದನ್ನು ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿ ವಿಭಜಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಅದು ಸಮಾಜವಾಗಬಹುದು. ಸಂಸ್ಥೆಯಾಗಬಹುದು. ಸಂಸಾರವೇ ಆಗಬಹುದು. ಸ್ನೇಹವೂ ಆಗಬಹುದು. 


ಕತ್ತರಿಯ ಹರಿತಕ್ಕೆ ಒಳಗಾದವರು ದುಃಖಿಸುತ್ತಲೇ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ತುಂಡಾಗುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಆದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಚಿಕ್ಕದಾದರೂ ಕೆಲಸ ನಿಧಾನವಾದರೂ ತುಂಡಾದುದನ್ನು ಹೊಲಿದು ಜೋಡಿಸುವಂತೆ, ಸಜ್ಜನರು ವಿಭಜಿತರನ್ನು ಒಂದುಗೂಡಿಸಲು ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಿಸುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಆದುದರಿಂದ ನಾವು ಸೂಜಿಯಂತಾಗಬೇಕು. ಕತ್ತರಿಯಂತಾಗಬಾರದು. 

ಇದೇ ಸಾಮಾಜಿಕ ನೀತಿ. 

ಇದನ್ನು ತಿಳಿದು ಬದುಕೋಣ. 

ಮನುಷ್ಯನದು ಸ್ವಂತದ್ದು ಏನಿದೆ? 

ಜನ್ಮ ಬೇರೆಯವರು ನೀಡಿದ್ದಾರೆ ..!
ಹೆಸರು ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಇಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರೆ.
ಶಿಕ್ಷಣ ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಕಲಿಸಿದ್ದಾರೆ..
ಕೆಲಸವು ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಕೊಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರೆ..
ನಾಳೆ ಸ್ಮಶಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಬೇರೆಯವರೇ ಹೊತ್ತುಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾರೆ..! 


ಹಾಗಾದರೆ,
ವ್ಯರ್ಥ ಅಹಂಕಾರ ಏಕೆ..?
ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಕರ್ಮದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಯೋಚಿಸಬೇಕಲ್ಲವೇ...?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 78

F-E-A-R has two meanings 
Forgot Everything And Run
Or
Face Everything And Rise 
The Choice is yours.

*********

जीवन मे सफल होना है तो पांच वाक्यों को कचरे के डिब्बे मे डाल दो। 

1, लोग क्या कहेंगे ? 
2, मुझसे नहीं होगा। 
3, मेरा मुड़ नही है।
4, मेरी किस्मत खराब है।
5, मेरे पास टाइम नहीं हैं।

हमेशा कहते रहिये की में सर्वश्रेष्ठ हु, में सब कुछ कर सकता हु और मेरा भगवान हमेशा मेरे साथ है।
और फिर चमत्कार देखिये।

आपका दिन मंगलमय हो। 

Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 78*********

Manager told a joke. Everyone in the team laughed except one guy...

Manager asks him- Didn't you understand my Joke????

The guy replied- I'm on notice period.!!

*********

A broken lover's emotional status on Facebook:

"Agar wo meri nahi huyi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hone doonga...!"

152 Likes and 1 comment.

Friend's Comment: 
"Agar wo teri ho gayi to sab ki hone dega kya??!"😂

Status deleted. ..:- !!!!😂😂😂😂. . . . .

*********

टीचर: बेटा अगर सच्चे दिल से प्रार्थना की जाए तो वो जरूर सफल होती है।
.
पप्पू: रहने दो सर, अगर ऐसा होता तो आप मेरे सर नहीं ससुर होते।

*********

Law College. 

Professor: if you have to give an orange, what will you say?

Student: take this orange.

Prof: no. Tell like a lawyer.

Student: I Ramakrishna son of Satyamurthy resident of Bangalore, Karnataka do here by solemnly affirm and voluntarily and consciously declare out of my volition and without any fear or favour or pressure or undue influence that I'm giving this fruit called orange on which I have absolute right, title and interest along with its peel, juice,seed and pulp. 
I am also giving you absolute and unqualified right and interest to cut, peel,store in freeze or eat it. 
You will also have the right to give this along with its peel, juice,seed or pulp to any one whosoever.
I further declare that I will be solely responsible and liable for any dispute till today pertaining to this orange. And after this conveyance today, my relationship  with this orange will cease to exist.

Prof: My lord, where is your feet.... 

*********

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'
 
Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I won't be knowing, but I will ask the chef. After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'
 
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.
 
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my boss and they all say there is no Indian Jews.'
 
'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!' 
  
Listen you idiots , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter. 'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews!   

No Indian Jews OK!!!!!???!!

*********

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
 👍     👍     👍     👍

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, why are whales FAT????
😳😳😳😳

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND????
😣😣😣😣

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN,
but nobody wants to DIE????
😱😱😱😱

In our country, we have FREEDOM of SPEECH, then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS????
😡😡😡😡

If money doesn't grow on TREES, then why do BANKS have BRANCHES?
😆😆😆😆

Why doesn't GLUE
stick to its BOTTLE????
😭😭😭😭

Why do you still call it a BUILDING, when its already BUILT????
😨😨😨😨

If it is true that we are here to HELP others, what are others HERE for????
😆😆😆😆

If you aren't supposed to DRINK and DRIVE, 
why do bars have PARKING lots????
😲😲😲😲

If all the nations in the world are in DEBT,
where did all the MONEY go????
😧😧😧😧

When dog food is new with improved TASTE, who TESTS it????
😈😈😈😈

If the "Black Box" flight recorder Is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff????
🙀🙀🙀🙀

Who copyrighted
the copyright symbol????
🙈🙈🙈🙈

Can you cry under water?
😂😭😂😭

Why do people say "You've been working like a dog," when dogs just sit around all day????
😆😆😆😆

We all are living in a seriously funny world!!!!
😝😜😆😛

So Enjoy!!!! 😊😊😊😊

Don't laugh alone pass it on.
Hope this will make you laugh and think!!!!

*********

😂😂😂😂
⛔DIVORCE vs. MURDER🚫
A nice, calm & respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes & said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide❗
The pharmacist asked😥 "Why in the world do you need cyanide❓
 
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband❗
 
The pharmacist's eyes😳got big & he explained, "Lord have mercy❗I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law.  I'll lose my license❗They'll throw both of us in jail❗All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not❗You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce"❗
 
The lady reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife.
 
The pharmacist looked at the picture & said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription"❗❗❗
😝😝😜😜😂😂😂😆😆😆

*********

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 77

How To Live & Die
I’ve often thought about what it is that makes people happy—what one has to do in order to achieve happiness.
 
1- First and foremost is good health. If you do not enjoy good health, you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct something from your happiness.
 
2- Second, a healthy bank balance. It need not run into crores, but it should be enough to provide for comforts, and there should be something to spare for recreation—eating out, going to the movies, travel and holidays in the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be demoralising. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes.
 
3- Third, your own home. Rented places can never give you the comfort or security of a home that is yours for keeps. If it has garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, and cultivate a sense of kinship with them.
 
4- Fourth, an understanding companion, be it your spouse or a friend. If you have too many misunderstandings, it robs you of your peace of mind. It is better to accept the differences than to be quarrelling all the time.
 
5- Fifth, stop envying those who have done better than you in life—risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.
 
6- Sixth, do not allow people to descend on you for gossip. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.
 
7- Seventh, cultivate a hobby or two that will fulfill you—gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks, or to meet celebrities, is a criminal waste of time. It’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.
 
8- Eighth, every morning and evening devote 20 minutes to meditation or introspection. In the mornings, 10 minutes should be spent in keeping the mind absolutely still, and five listing the things you have to do that day. In the evenings, five minutes should be set aside to keep the mind still and 10 to go over the tasks you had intended to do.
 
9- Ninth, don’t lose your temper. Try not to be short-tempered, or vengeful. Even when a friend has been rude, just move on.
 
10- Above all, when the time comes to go, one should go like a Person without any regret or grievance against anyone.

*********

Time & Smile are two critical things in life..
Sometimes time makes you forget how to Smile &
Sometimes someone’s
 Smile makes us 
forget time

*********

Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 77A man & a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper & lower berth of a long distance train. At 2 am, Man leans over saying, "Ma'm, sorry to bother you, Would you be kind enough to give me a 2nd blanket from the side table. Its awfully cold.

"I have a better idea", 
she replied, 
"Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that 
we are married !!

"Great idea Madam.
"He replied in excitement.

She says,"Well then 




Get up & 



take it yourself.." 
😷👹😷🙀

*********

Two things are very difficult to achieve!!!

1. To plant your ideas in someone else's head.
2. To put someone else's money in your own pocket.

The one who succeeds in the first one is called a TEACHER.
And the second is called a BUSINESSMAN.

The one who succeed in both is called a WIFE.

The one who fails in both is called a HUSBAND!!!  😜😜😜😜😜

*********

Death asked Life 
"Why does everyone love you and hate me?" 

Life replied: "Because I am a Beautiful lie & you are a Painful TRUTH" ...!!!!

*********

🔴Such a sweet message: 
Baby mosquito came back after its first flying... His dad asked him, "how do u feel ?" 
He replied "it was wonderful daddy... All humans clapped hands for me!! :)" 

Moral:- Life is too beautiful, it depends on our way of thinking, why waste time on what people think...😊👌

*********

People who Change after Change,
"WILL SURVIVE".

People who Change with the Change,
"WILL SUCCEED".

People who cause the Change,
"WILL LEAD".

Normal people say...
"Success knocks your door only once" but

Believers say...
"Knock the door of success, until success opens the door".

*********

✍"ಯಾರಿಗೂ ಉಪದೇಶ ಮಾಡಲು ಹೋಗಬೇಡಿ...ಕಾರಣ,,ದಡ್ಡರು ಕೇಳುವುದಿಲ್ಲ..ಜಾಣರಿಗೆ ಅದರ ಅವಶ್ಯಕತೆಯೇ ಇಲ್ಲ...."""
             ಹೆರಡೋಟಸ್.....

✍""ವಿದ್ಯಾರ್ಥಿಗಳನ್ನು ಉತ್ಸಾಹಗೊಳಿಸದೆ ಕೇವಲ ಪಾಠ ಹೇಳುವ ಶಿಕ್ಷಕನು, ಕಬ್ಬಿಣವನ್ನು ಕಾಯಿಸದೆಯೇ ಬಡಿಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದಾನೆ ಎಂದರ್ಥ""..  
       ಹೋರೆಸ್ ಮನ್.....

✍"ನಾಲಿಗೆಗೆ ಆದ ಗಾಯ ಮಾಯಬಹುದು...ಆದರೆ ನಾಲಿಗೆಯಿಂದ ಆದ ಗಾಯ"..??!!!
              ಅನಾಮಿಕ...


✍"ಸುಖವಾಗಿರುವುದರಲ್ಲಿ ಸುಖವಿಲ್ಲ..ಸುಖವಾಗಿದ್ದೇನೆಂದು,ಸುಖವಾಗಿಲ್ಲದವರಿಗೆ ಹೇಳುವುದರಲ್ಲಿ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಸುಖವಿದೆ"..
             ಬೀ-chi


✍ಹುಡುಕು
"ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡಲ್ಲಿಯೇ ಹುಡುಕಬೇಡ.ಒಂದು ದೊರೆತಲ್ಲಿಯೇ ಇನ್ನೊಂದಕ್ಕೆ ಹುಡುಕು"..

✍"ಕನಸು ಎಂದಿಗಾದರೂ ನಿಜವಾದುದುಂಟೆ ಎನ್ನುವವನು,ಎಂದೂ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಕನಸನ್ನೆ ಕಂಡಿಲ್ಲ"..
                 ಕಲಾಂ...

✍" ಬಿಳಿ ಕೂದಲಿನ ಬೆಲೆ ಏನೆಂಬುದನ್ನು ತಿಳಿಯಬೇಕಾದರೆ,,ಬೋಳು ತಲೆಯವನನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿ ನೋಡು"..
   'ಸಮಸ್ತಂ ಸಮಾನ ಗೌರವಂ'

✍"ಒಂದೇ ಕತ್ತೆ ಇರುವ ಅಗಸ,ಅದನ್ನು ಕುದುರೆಯಂತೆ ಕಾಣುತ್ತಾನೆ..ಒಂದೇ ಮಗನಿರುವ ತಂದೆ ಅವನನ್ನು ಕತ್ತೆಯನ್ನಾಗಿ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾನೆ"..
                  ಪ್ರಾಣೇಶ್..

✍"ದಣಿವಿನಲ್ಲಿ ವಿಶ್ರಾಂತಿ ದೊರೆಯಬೇಕು.. ವಿಶ್ರಾಂತಿಯಿಂದಲೇ ದಣಿವು ಆಗಬಾರದು"..
                ಅನುಭವಿ..

✍"ವಿವೇಕಿಯ ನಾಲಿಗೆ ಅವನ ಹೃದಯದಲ್ಲಿರುತ್ತದೆ.ಅವಿವೇಕಿಯ ಹೃದಯ ಅವನ ನಾಲಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿರುತ್ತದೆ"..
                ಲಿಂಕನ್..

✍"ಹುಂಜ ಸುಮ್ಮನಿದ್ದು ಹೇಂಟೆ ಕೂಗಾಡುವ ಮನೆ ಹಾಳಾಗಲು ಬಹು ದಿನಗಳು ಬೇಕಿಲ್ಲ"....
                ಬೀ-chi

✍""ಕೊನೆಗೆ ನೆನಪಿನಲ್ಲುಳಿಯುವುದು, ಶತ್ರುಗಳ ಮಾತಲ್ಲ...ಮಿತ್ರರ ಮೌನ ಮಾತ್ರ""
             ಹೆರಡೋಟಸ್..

✍"ಹಣವಿಲ್ಲದ ಪುರುಷನನ್ನು ವೇಶ್ಯೆ ತೊರೆಯುತ್ತಾಳೆ.ಸೋತ ರಾಜನನ್ನು ಪ್ರಜೆಗಳು ತೊರೆಯುತ್ತಾರೆ.ಹಣ್ಣು ಬಿಡದ ಮರವನ್ನು ಪಕ್ಷಿಗಳು ತೊರೆಯುತ್ತವೆ.ನಿನ್ನಲ್ಲಿ ಸಾಮರ್ಥ್ಯ  ಇರುವ ತನಕ ಮಾತ್ರ ನಿನಗೆ ಬೆಲೆ"...
                 ಚಾಣಕ್ಯ..

✍"ನೀರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಮುಖವು ಅಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿ ಕಂಡರೂ,,,ಸರಾಯಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಹೃದಯವು ಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿ ಕಾಣುತ್ತದೆ"..
                ಅ.ನ.ಕೃ..

✍"ಬಹು ಮಾತನಾಡುವವನು,ಬರಿಗೈಲೆ ಉಣ್ಣಿಸುತ್ತಾನೆ"..
              ಕೌಟಿಲ್ಯ..

 ✍             "ಹೆಣ್ಣು"
"ತಾನು ಸೊಸೆಯಾಗಿದ್ದಾಗ ಅತ್ತೆಯನ್ನು ಸಹಿಸದ,,ತಾನು ಅತ್ತೆಯಾದಾಗ ಸೊಸೆಯನ್ನು ಸಹಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲಾಗದವಳೆ ಹೆಣ್ಣು"
                 ಜಿ..ಎಸ್..ಎಸ್..

✍"ಪ್ರೇಮಕ್ಕೆ  ಕಲಹವೇ ಆಹಾರ. ಹೆಚ್ಚಾದರೆ ಅಜೀರ್ಣದಿಂದ ಸಾಯುತ್ತದೆ.ಕಡಿಮೆಯಾದರೆ ಹಸಿವಿನಿಂದ ಸಾಯುತ್ತದೆ."
           'ಶೇಕ್ಸ್ ಪಿಯರ್'

✍" ಜಾಣತನವನ್ನು ಬಚ್ಚಿಟ್ಟುಕೊಳ್ಳುವುದೇ, ಜಾಣತನದ ಮೊದಲ ಜಾಣತನ"...
          'ಟಿ.ಪಿ.ಕೈಲಾಸಂ'..

✍"ಮಲತಾಯಿ ಇರುವ ಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ,ಹೆತ್ತ ತಂದೆ ಮಲತಂದೆಯಾಗಲು ಬಹು ಸಮಯ ಬೇಕಿಲ್ಲ"..
                'ಡಿ.ವಿ.ಜಿ'...

✍"ಹೆಣ್ಣನ್ನು ತೆಗಳುವವನಿಗೆ,ಹೆಣ್ಣಿನ ಹೃದಯದ ಪರಿಚಯ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಆಗಿಲ್ಲ...ಹೊಗಳುವವನಿಗೆ ಎಷ್ಷೂ ಆಗಿಲ್ಲ ""...
            ಅ.ನ.ಕೃ...

✍"ಮದುವೆಯಾಗದ ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಕಳ್ಳ ಮಾಲು ಇದ್ದಂತೆ.ಅದನ್ನು ಬೇಗ ಸಾಗಿಸಿದಷ್ಟು ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಲಾಭ"..
              ಪಿ.ಲಂಕೇಶ್...

✍"ಮದುವೆಯಾದವರಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂಡ ಕೆಲವರು ಸುಖವಾಗಿದ್ದಾರೆ.ಆದರೆ ಅವರ ಸುಖಕ್ಕೆ ಕಾರಣ ಮದುವೆಯಲ್ಲ"...
             ಅನುಭವಿ..

    ✍'ಬುದ್ಧಿವಂತಿಕೆ'
"ಶತ್ರುವಿನಿಂದಲೂ ಬುದ್ಧಿ ಕಲಿ.ಮಿತ್ರನಿಗೂ ಹೇಳಲು ಹೋಗಬೇಡ"...
           'ಅಣ್ಣಾ ಅಜಾರೆ'...

✍"ಎಲ್ಲವನ್ನು ಮಾಡುವವನು ನಾನೆ ಎನ್ನುವಂತೆ ದುಡಿ..ಎಲ್ಲವನ್ನು ಕೊಡುವವನು ದೇವನೇ ಎನ್ನುವಂತೆ ನುಡಿ"..
           "ಸಾಯಿ ಬಾಬ"

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