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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 45

ಮರೆತಿದ್ದವರು ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಓದಲಿ ಅಂತ :

👉ತನ್ನ ಮಾತು ಕೇಳುವ ಗಂಡನನ್ನು ಮಹಿಳೆ ಇಷ್ಟಪಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ. ಕಡಿಮೆ ಮಾತನಾಡುವವಳೇ ಹೆಂಡತಿಯಾಗಿ ಬರಲಿ ಎಂದು ಗಂಡ ಅಂದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಾನೆ.😖
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 45
👉ತಾಯ್ತನ ಎಂಬುದು ಎಲ್ಲ ಸ್ತ್ರೀಯರೂ ಬಯಸುವ ಅವಕಾಶ. ಹಾಗಂತ ಅವಕಾಶ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿತೆಂದು ತಾಯಿಯಾಗಬಾರದು.🙅 👉ನಾವು ಬೇರೆಯವರಿಗೆ ಸಹಾಯ ಮಾಡುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ಈ ಜಗತ್ತಿಗೆ ಬಂದಿದ್ದೇವೆ ಎಂಬ ವಿಚಾರವೇನೊ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿದೆ. ಆದರೆ ಆ ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಏನು ಮಾಡಲು ಬಂದಿದ್ದಾರೆ?💪 👉ಅಕಸ್ಮಾತ್ತಾಗಿ ಹಾವನ್ನು ತುಳಿದು ಕಚ್ಚಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವುದು ಅರೇಂಜ್ಡ್ ಮ್ಯಾರೇಜ್. ಹಾವಿನ ಮುಂದೆ ನಿಂತು ಕಡಿ, ಕಡಿ ಎಂದುಕುಣಿಯುತ್ತಾ ಕಚ್ಚಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವುದು ಲವ್ ಮ್ಯಾರೇಜ್.🐍 👉ಫೋನ್ ಕಾಲ್ ರಿಸೀವ್ ಮಾಡುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ನೀವು ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಸಮಯ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತೀರೆಂದರೆ, ರಿಸೀವ್ ಮಾಡಿದ ಮೇಲೆ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಸುಳ್ಳು ಹೇಳಲಿದ್ದೀರೆಂದರ್ಥ.🙊 👉ಬೇರೆಯವರಿಗಾಗಿ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಕೆಲಸಮಾಡುತ್ತಲೇ ಹೋದರೆ ಅದು ಸಹಜ ಎನ್ನಿಸಿಬಿಡುತ್ತದೆ. ಗಮನ ಸೆಳೆಯುವುದಕ್ಕಾದರೂ ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿರಬೇಕಾಗುತ್ತದೆ.🐴 👉ಹೆಂಗಸರ ಬಳಿ ಉಳಿದುಕೊಳ್ಳಬಹುದಾದ ಒಂದೇ ಒಂದು ರಹಸ್ಯ ಎಂದರೆ- ಅವರ ವಯಸ್ಸು.😳 👉ದೇವರು ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಬ್ಬ ಪುರುಷನಿಗೂ ಒಬ್ಬ ಮಹಿಳೆಯನ್ನು ಸೃಷ್ಟಿಸಿರುತ್ತಾನೆ. ಆಕೆಯಿಂದ ತಪ್ಪಿಸಿಕೊಂಡರೆ, ಜೀವನ ಅದ್ಭುತವಾಗಿರುತ್ತದೆ.💔👌 👉ಯಾವ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯೂ ಆತನ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ತಿಳಿದುಕೊಂಡಷ್ಟು ಕೆಟ್ಟವನಾಗಿರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಹಾಗೆಯೇ ಅವನ ಅಮ್ಮ ಅಂದುಕೊಂಡಷ್ಟು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯವನೂ ಆಗಿರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.🙀 👉ಮಲಗುವಾಗ ಯಾವ ತೊಂದರೆಗಳನ್ನೂ ಹಾಸಿಗೆಗೆ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಂಡುಹೋಗಬೇಡಿ ಎನ್ನುತ್ತದೆ ಹಳೆಯ ಉಪದೇಶ. ಆದರೆ ಇವತ್ತಿಗೂ ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನವರು ತಮ್ಮ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಪಕ್ಕದಲ್ಲೇ ಮಲಗುತ್ತಾರೆ.😍 👉ಕೆಲವು ಗಂಡಸರ ಸಂಕಟ ವಿಚಿತ್ರವಾಗಿರುತ್ತದೆ. ಹೆಂಡತಿಯ ಮೇಕಪ್ ಖರ್ಚು ಭರಿಸಲಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಆದರೆ ಮೇಕಪ್ಗೆ ಖರ್ಚು ಮಾಡದಿದ್ದರೆ ಹೆಂಡತಿಯನ್ನು ಸಹಿಸಲಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.😳 👉ದಾಂಪತ್ಯ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ಇರಬೇಕೆಂದರೆ ಮುಖ್ಯವಾಗಿ ಸರಸವಿರಬೇಕು. ಅತಿಮುಖ್ಯವಾಗಿ ಅದು ನಮ್ಮ ಸಂಗಾತಿಯೊಂದಿಗೇ ಇರಬೇಕು.😘 ಸಾಲ ಮಾಡಿಯಾದರೂ ತುಪ್ಪ ತಿನ್ನಬೇಕು ಎಂಬ ಗಾದೆ ಮಾತಿದೆ. ಹಾಗೆಂದು ತುಪ್ಪ ತಿನ್ನಬೇಕು ಎಂದೆನಿಸಿದಾಗಲೆಲ್ಲ ಸಾಲ ಮಾಡಬಾರದು.😄☺😉

===========================
One day all the employees reached the office and saw a big advice written on the door.

Yesterday the person who has been stopping your growth in this company passed away. You are invited to join the funeral.

In the beginning, they got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they got curious to know who was the man who stopped their growth.

Everyone thought:- Well atleast the man who stopped my progress died!

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they were speechless. They stood shocked in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin and everyone who looked inside could see himself. 

There was a sign next to the mirror that read:-

There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth... It is you, yourself. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, success and realization.

Your life does not change when your boss friends or company change... your life changes when you change... you go beyond your limiting beliefs and you realize you are the only one responsible for your life.

Its the way you face life that makes the difference!

If an egg is broken from outside force, life ends, but if it is broken from inside force life begins. Great things always begin from our inside. 👍

===================
1. What should a woman do if she finds herself alone in the company of a strange male as she prepares to enter a lift in a High Rise apartment late at night?

Experts Say: Enter the lift. If you need to reach the 13th floor, press all the buttons up to your destination. No one will dare attack you in a lift that stops on every floor.

2. What to do if a stranger tries to attack you when you are alone in your house, run into the kitchen. 

Experts Say: You alone know where the chili powder and turmeric are kept. And where the knives and plates are. All these can be turned into deadly weapons. If nothing else, start throwing plates and utensils all over. Let them break. Scream. Remember that noise is the greatest enemy of a molester. He does not want to be caught.

3. Taking an Auto or Taxi at Night. 

Experts Say: Before getting into an auto at night, note down its registration number. Then use the mobile to call your family or friend and pass on the details to them in the language the driver understands. Even if no one answers your call, pretend you are in a conversation. The driver now knows someone has his details and he will be in serious trouble if anything goes wrong. He is now bound to take you home safe and sound. A potential attacker is now your de facto protector.

4. What if the driver turns into a street he is not supposed too and you feel you are entering a danger zone? 
Experts Say: Use the handle of your purse or your stole (dupatta) to wrap around his neck and pull him back. Within seconds, he will feel choked and helpless. In case you don’t have a purse or stole just pull him back by his collar. The top button of his shirt would then do the same trick.

5. If you are stalked at night. 

Expert Say: enter a shop or a house and explain your predicament. If it is night and shops are not open, go inside an ATM box. ATM centers always have close circuit television. Fearing identification, no one will dare attack you. 

After all, being mentally alert is the greatest weapon you can ever have. 

Please spread it to all those women u care & spread awareness as this is the least we can do for a social & moral cause and for the safety of our women. 

Guys please forward it to your moms, sisters, wives and female friends. Better safe than sorry friends. Plzz frwrd to all grls u know.

=========
ಒಂದು ದಿನ ಕಸಾಯಿಖಾನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬ ಕಟುಕ
ಹಸುವನ್ನು ಕೊಲ್ಲಲು ಬಂದಾಗ
ಹಸುವು ಕಟುಕನನ್ನು ನೋಡಿ ನಗುತ್ತಿತ್ತು…
.
.
.
ಇದನ್ನ ನೋಡಿ ಕಟುಕ ಹೇಳಿದ…
ನಾನು ನಿನ್ನನ್ನು ಕೊಲ್ಲಲು ಬಂದಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ಅದನ್ನು  ತಿಳಿದು ನೀನು   ಏಕೆ ಹೀಗೆ
ನಗುತ್ತಿರುವೆ…?
.
.
.
.
.
ಹಸು ಹೇಳಿತು:
ನಾನು ಯಾವತ್ತಿಗೂ ಮಾಂಸವನ್ನು ತಿಂದಿಲ್ಲ,  ಹಾಗಿದ್ದೂ
ನನ್ನ ಸಾವು ಇಷ್ಟು ಘೋರವಾಗಿದೆ. ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡದ ಯಾರಿಗೂ ಕೆಡಕು ಮಾಡದ
ನನ್ನನ್ನು ನೀನು ಕೊಂದು ನನ್ನ
ಮಾಂಸವನ್ನು ತಿನ್ನುವ ನಿನ್ನ
ಸಾವು ಎಷ್ಟು  ಘೋರವಾಗಿರುವುದೋ ಎನ್ನುವುದನ್ನು ಯೋಚಿಸಿ
ನಾನು ನಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದಿನಿ…
ಹಾಲು ಕೊಟ್ಟು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಬೆಳೆಸಿದೆ, ನಿಮ್ಮ
ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೂ ಹಾಲು ಕೊಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದ್ದೀನಿ, ಆದರೆ
ನಾನು ತಿನ್ನುತ್ತಿದ್ದದ್ದು ಮಾತ್ರ   ಹುಲ್ಲು,
ಹಾಲಿನಿಂದ ಬೆಣ್ಣೆ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿರಿ, ಬೆಣ್ಣೆಯಿಂದ
ತುಪ್ಪ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿರಿ, ಸಗಣಿಯಿಂದ ಬೆರಣಿ
ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿರಿ, ಸಗಣಿ ಮತ್ತು ಗಂಜಲದಿಂದ
ನಿಮ್ಮ ಜಮೀನಿನ
ಭೂಮಿಯನ್ನು ಹಸನು ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿರಿ,
ಭೂಮಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಬೆಳೆ ಬೆಳೆದಿರಿ, ಆದರೆ ನನಗೆ
ಕೊಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದದ್ದು ಮಾತ್ರ   ಹಾಳಾಗಿ
ಕೊಳೆತು ಹೋದ ತರಕಾರಿಗಳನ್ನ,. ಸಗಣಿಯಿಂದ
ಗೋಬರ್ ಗ್ಯಾಸ್ ತಯಾರಿಸಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ
ಮನೆಯನ್ನು ಕತ್ತಲಿನಿಂದ ಬೆಳಕು ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿರಿ
ಆದರೆ ನನನ್ನೇ ಕುರುಡನಂತೆ
ಕೊಲ್ಲಲು ಬಂದಿರುವೆ, ಹಾಲಿನಿಂದ ಸಿಕ್ಕ
ಶಕ್ತಿಯಿಂದ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಕೊಲ್ಲಲು ಆಯುಧ
ಎತ್ತಿರುವೆ, ಆ ಆಯುಧವನ್ನು ಹಿಡಿಯುವ ಶಕ್ತಿ ನಿನಗೆ
ಬಂದದ್ದು ನನ್ನಿಂದಲೆ. ನನ್ನಿಂದ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ
ಆದಾಯವನ್ನು ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡು ಮನೆ
ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡೆ, ಆದರೆ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಮಾತ್ರ
ಮನೆಯಿಂದ ಹೊರಗೆ ಒಂದು ಗುಡಿಸಿಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಇರಿಸಿದೆ.
ನಿಮ್ಮ ಹೆತ್ತ ತಾಯಿಗಿಂತಲು ನಾನೇ ನಿಮಗೆ
ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಆಸರೆಯಾದೆ, ಶ್ರೀ  ಕೃಷ್ಣನ
ಪ್ರಿಯಳು ನಾನು,  ನನಗೇ ಇಂತಹ ಶಿಕ್ಷೆ ಇರುವಾಗ
ನಿನ್ನ ಗತಿ ಎನಿರಬಹುದು, ನಿನ್ನ
ಭವಿಷ್ಯವನ್ನು ನೆನೆದು ನಾನು ನಗುತ್ತಿರುವೆ..
(ನಿಮಗೆ ಸಾಧ್ಯವಾದಲ್ಲಿ ಇದನ್ನು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರಿಗೆ, ಬಂಧುಗಳಿಗೆ ಫಾರ್ವರ್ಡ್ ಮಾಡಿ. ಗೋಮಾತೆಯ ಋಣ
ತೀರಿಸಿ…)
"ಜೈ ಗೋಮಾತೆ🐄🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩👏👏👏👏👏🙏🙏🙏🙏

=========
3 unbelievably simple parenting ideas that work 

1. Children need a minimum of eight  touches during a day to feel connected to a parent.

If they’re going through a particularly challenging time, it’s a minimum of 12 a day. This doesn’t have to be a big deal; it could be the straightening of a collar, a pat on the shoulder or a simple hug.

2. Each day, children need one meaningful eye-to-eye conversation with a parent.

It is especially important for babies to have that eye contact, but children of all ages need us to slow down and look them in the eyes.

3. There are nine minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child:

the first three minutes right after they wake up
the three minutes after they come home from school
the last three minutes of the day before they go to bed
We need to make those moments special and help our children feel loved.
These are simple, right? Nothing really earth-shattering here.

Try it.
 1⃣ Whenever u feel like scolding or beating your child, take a deep breath, or count 1-10 and then act.
2⃣ Let's ask them to study their favorite subject on their own..
3⃣ Send them to one exam without studying at all..
4⃣ Remember what our kids are learning in 5th std is taught to 7th std abroad..
5⃣ Lets keep our kids out of unwanted competition.
6⃣ 80% of what kids are learning ,won't be useful to them in future..
7⃣ Our kids can really afford to do whatever they want to do in future .
8⃣ Higher degrees don't guaranty success and happiness..
9⃣ Not all the highly educated people do well professionally.
And not all who do well professionally are the happiest ones..
🔟 Kids are always in a party mood.. don't spoil their childhood. Support and let them be what they want to be. 👍😃

Pass this on to as many teachers and parents as u can.. 
And change the way we look at our kids and their future.

=========
🌵Pencil: I'm sorry.

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry, you get hurt because of me. Wenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself and get smaller and smaller each time.📝

Eraser: That's true, but I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this, I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong, even though one day I know I'll be gone. I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying I hate seeing you sad.😞

"Our Parents are like the eraser, whereas we children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes.

Sometimes along the way they get hurt and become smaller (older and eventually pass on)

 Take care of your Parents, treat them with kindness and most especially love them."💝

This is something worth sharing ☺😊
Must read 👌👌👌

==========
35 Ways to Respect your children views and ways to know them in a better way. Must read 

1. Put away your phone in their presence or avoid talking too much on phone when they r with you

2. Pay attention to what they 
    are saying.

3. Accept their opinions.

4. Engage in their      
     conversations.

5. Look at them with respect.

6. Always praise them.

7. Share good news with them.

8. Avoid sharing bad news with 
    them.

9. Speak well of their friends 
    and loved ones to them.

10. Keep in remembrance the  
      good things they did.

11. If they repeat a story, listen 
      like it's the first time they 
      tell it.

12. Don't bring up painful 
       memories from the past.

13. Avoid side conversations in 
      their presence.

14. Sit respectfully around 
       them.

15. Don't belittle/criticize their 
      opinions and thoughts.

16. Avoid cutting them off when    they speak.

17. Respect their age.

19. Accept their advice and 
      direction.

20. Give them the power of  
      leadership when they are 
      present.

21. Avoid raising your voice at them constantly, be very assertive but calmly

22. Avoid walking in front or 
      ahead of them.

23. Avoid eating before them without sharing with them

24. Avoid glaring at them.

25. Fill them with ur 
      appreciation even when 
      they don't think they 
       deserve it.

26. Avoid putting your feet up in front of them or sitting with your back to them.

27. Don't speak ill of them to 
      the point where others 
      speak ill of them too.

28. Keep them in prayers 
      always possible and teach them to pray

29. Avoid seeming bored or 
      tired of them in their 
      presence.

30. Avoid laughing at their 
      faults/mistakes.

31. Do a task before they ask 
      you to.

33. Choose your words carefully    when speaking with them.

34. Call them by names they 
       like.

35. Make them your priority 
      above anything.

Children's are parents treasure and their most precious gift on this land. They must have seen the world lesser than you but they see it in a different way which you need to appreciate. Listen to them and try giving them as much time as you can. These moments are more precious than anything in this world👍
Every parent Must read once.😊
=========

Itna Kuchh Hote Hue Bhi!!!!

1- Inspite of so many colors - Black & White is considered Class. 

2- Inspite of so many voices words & sounds - Silence is considered ultimate. 

3- Inspite of so much to eat - Fasting is considered healthy. 

4. Inspite of so much to travel & explore - Meditating under trees & mountains is considered superior. 

5- Inspite of so much to see - Closing your eyes & looking within is Apex! 

6- Inspite of listening to all the outside world - Voice from inside You is eternal. 

7- Inspite of a Sweet charming Life - A Peaceful Soul is Solace & Divine.

Trust your Senses. Live a great life.
..

=========
ωσмєη ωιll вє ωσмєη... 😍
.
.
A 54 year old woman  had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.💔

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"💀

God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
👼
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color 💅 💇 👩

Finally she was released from the hospital.💃

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.🚚

Arriving in front of God, she asked, 😱

"You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"😣

(You'll love this)
.
.
.
.
God replied:😉 😜

"I couldn't recognize you!"

-----------
Aur karo makeup 😋😋😋😋😋😁😁😁😁😋😋😝😝😛😜😜😜😜😜
Very Funny😜😜😜😜
=========
Father in law - 
What made you visit us suddenly? 

Son in law - This season,
 everyone is returning their awards n trophies, 

so.......😇😂🏃🏃👈

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What is Diwali Bonus?

Initially there was a concept of salary to be paid on a weekly basis to the workers in India, particularly the textile and flour mill workers in Bombay.  So you received 52 salaries in a year. 
But when British started ruling India they came up with concept of Monthly salary which meant you were getting paid for 48 weeks only.
So if we have 4 weeks in a month, 13 salaries should have been distributed but as per a monthly structure they were giving only 12 salaries in a year.
When people realized that this was a loss to them in terms of one salary many protest rallies were organised in Maharashtra during 1930-1940. 
The British then came up with a solution to this problem. After discussion with labour  leaders about how to distribute this 13th salary and they decided Diwali being the biggest festival of India, they would distribute this 13th salary durring Diwali. Today this is called the Diwali Bonus.
This was implemented from 30th June 1940.

Many don't know the history behind the Diwali Bonus and hence this post.
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