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SMS Jokes, funny text shares, Humor, Witty quotes - Page 12

Teacher: 5 - 5 = how much?
Sudent is quiet…..
Teacher tries again: agar tere paas 5 idli hai  aur main tere 5 idli le lu, tere paas kya bachega?



Student: sambar aur chutney...
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 12

==============================

 Irony of life: 

The Lawyer hopes You
      get into trouble,

The Doctor hopes You
            get sick,

The Police hopes You
  become a Criminal,

The Teacher hopes You
     are born Stupid,

The Landlord hopes You
     don't buy a House,

The Dentist hope Your
        Tooth Decays,

The Mechanic hope Your
        Car Breakdown,

The Coffin Maker wants
          You dead.........

Only a Thief wishes You
     "Prosperity in life"
               And
         Also Wishes
   "You have a Sound
             Sleep"
Principle of Success

====================================

Nice story......There was a farmer who grew excellent quality corn. Every year he won the award for the best grown corn.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. “How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?” the reporter asked.

“Why sir,” said the farmer, “Didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbours grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn.”

So is with our lives... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...

-Call it power of collectivity...
-Call it a principle of success...
-Call it a law of life.
The fact is, none of us truly wins, until we all win!!
=====================

Chetan bhagat's Beautiful message!

Stay away from Anger..
It hurts ..Only You!

If you are right then there is no need to get angry,

And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry.

Patience with family is love,

Patience with others is respect.

Patience with self is confidence and Patience with GOD is faith.

Never Think Hard about the PAST, It brings Tears...

Don't think more about the FUTURE, It brings Fear...

Live this Moment with a Smile,It brings Cheer.

Every test in our life makes us bitter or better,

Every problem comes to make us or break us,

The choice is ours whether we become victims or victorious.

Beautiful things are not always good but good things are always beautiful

Do you know why God created gaps between fingers

So that someone who is special to you comes and fills those gaps by holding your hand forever.

Happiness keeps You Sweet..But being sweet brings happiness.

Do Share it with all the Good People In ur Life.

=====================

Quote

"Neither any one in this World is born as our Friend nor born as our Enemy.
Behavior, Attitude & Approach makes them Become either one."!

=====================

A classic example of effective communication :

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
"Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
......your  mother-in-law will come and live with you."
The surgery was a great success...!!!

=========================================

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.
Doctor: "What happened?
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me senseless.
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk,
just drink some water and hold it in your mouth. hold it in but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is... asleep.
"Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I kept the water in my mouth. Hold it in till he sleeps, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps".

======================================

A little story of a C.A.'s wife.

There was a C.A., who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...
'When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to
promise him, with all of her heart.
He died soon.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there,dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket.

The obdient wife said,
'Wait just a moment!' She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
Then her friend said, 'Girl, I know you were not
foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied,
'Listen, I'm a wife; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'
I sure did,' said the loyal
wife. 'I got all the money together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque.... I put the cheque in the casket.Now it is upto him to encash the
cheque.'
"If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Wife kiski thi
C.A. ki

=======================================

Teacher: There are 5 birds on tree, u shoot 1, howmany left?
Kid: None, as others' will fly.
Teacher: Its 4; but I like the way u think.
Kid: I have a question madam - If 3 women are eating ice cream:
1 licking,
1 sucking and
1 biting
which 1 is married?
Teacher (gets nervous): the 1 sucking the cone.
Kid: No, its the one wearing the mangal sutra but I like the way u think

=======================================

A tongue twister......??

Nine Pipe Pour Bun Pipe Pour Pipe Bun Pipe Pour.

It is not a tongue twister.

It is Aalu Prasad Yadav giving out his mobile number 95415 45154 ! In english.

Dont laugh alone, share with others

=======================================

One of the best msg in the recent days I liked most;

There are four yugas widely accepted in Hinduism. They are :
1.Satya yug
2.Treta yug (Ramayana)
3.Dwapara yug(Mahabharata)
4.Kal yug(Present)

In Satya yug, the figtht was between two worlds (Devalok & Asuralok). Asuralok being the evil, was a different WORLD.

In Treta yug, the fight was between Rama and Ravana. Both rulers from two different COUNTRIES.

In Dwapara yug, the fight was between Pandavas and Kauravas. Both good and evil from the SAME FAMILY.

Kindly note how the evil is getting closer. For example, from a DIFFERENT WORLD to a DIFFERENT COUNTRY to the SAME FAMILY.

Now, know where is the evil in Kaliyug???

It is inside us. Both GOOD AND EVIL LIVE WITHIN. The battle is within us. To Whom will we give victory, our inner goodness or the evil within??

Think, identify and fight the evil...

=======================================

Breast Size!
An HR manager got married. On the first night of their honey moon, on seeing his wife nude for the first time, he was furious: Tumne mujhse dhoka kiya!! You have cheated me!
The astounded but smart bride asks: Kaise? Kya dhokha diya hai maine?
The HR man shouts: Your Boobs are so small.... I definitely remember noticing their size when I met you at the engagement... they appeared to be much bigger...
The hitech bride replies,
"Honey, what you saw and agreed upon was the CTC Package...
but this is what you get in hand...

=======================================

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