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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 29


A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospital) with Wife, Kids
and Nurse beside him.
SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 29



Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.

To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.

To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I
want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.

To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.

Nurse - quite impressed -
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a
husband
who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.

Wife: What properties,
what rich ...
Doodhwala hai sala..
he's distributing our responsibilities of delivering Milk to his clients in the morning.😜😜😜 
😂😂😂😂😂😂.                                       Nurse FAINTED !!!           !!!!!!!


======================================
SARDARJI : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
SARDARJI : No, he is not studying, they are studying him.


SARDARJI : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
SARDARJI  : Can I take it  tomorrow, tonight is the final game.


SARDARJI : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
SARDARJI : No, I'll also stay with your sister.


SARDARJI  : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
SARDARJI : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! U have come again..


SARDARJI  complained to the police: 'Sir, all the items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'Howz that the thief did not take the TV?'
SARDARJI : 'I was watching TV news...'


SARDARJI  comes back to his car & finds a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the compliment.'


How do you recognize  a SARDARJI  in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


Once a SARDARJI was walking. He had a glove only on one hand . So the man asked him why. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


SARDARJI  : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
SARDARJI  - If only the winner will get the cup, then why are the others running?


Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into the future tense
SARDARJI : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'


Why did 19 Sardarjis go to the movie?
.... Because it said- Under 18 not allowed!

=======================
Swamiji,  I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman.... what to do?
.
.
.
.
.
Take your husband to that woman's  doorstep...and see if his wi-fi connects automatically. .😄😄😄😝😂😂😂😂😂
Can't beat this one , all you guys beware 😝😝
Technology  can be dangerous for ones health!...

=======================

Family Problems😰😰

Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..😜

The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, 😢You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl 😉from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now
have a lot of family problems.'😰😰

The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love.. 😝😄I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow 😳whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 😜After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her😳, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. 😜Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. 😃More problems occurred when I had a son.😣 My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.😪
Situations turned worse when my father had a son😁. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. 😠Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.😁😡😖 And you say you have family problems.'😄😃

The Indian fainted........!!😛😝😜😄😄

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Most Popular Inspirational Quotes from A.P.J Abdul Kalam
“Don’t take rest after your first victory because if you fail in second, more lips are waiting to say that your first victory was just luck.” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

“All Birds find shelter during a rain. But Eagle avoids rain by flying above the Clouds.” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

“Failure will never overtake me if my definition to succeed is strong enough”. - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

“Man needs difficulties in life because they are necessary to enjoy the success.” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

“If you want to shine like a sun. First burn like a sun.” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam 

“It is very easy to defeat someone, but it is very hard to win someone” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

"All of us do not have equal talent. But , all of us have an equal opportunity to develop our talents.” - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

" Be more dedicated to making solid achievements than in running after swift but synthetic happiness." -A.P.J Abdul Kalam

"Thinking should become your capital asset, no matter whatever ups and downs you come across in your life."  - A.P.J Abdul Kalam

" Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail. " - A.P.J Abdul Kalam
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ಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಮದುವೆಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಮಾತನಾಡಿದರೆ ನಮಗೆ ಎಲೆಕ್ಷನ್ ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ಸಿಕ್ಕಷ್ಟು ಖುಷಿ ಆಗುತ್ತದೆ..ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಹುಡುಗಿಯು ಒಪ್ಪಿಗೆ ಸೂಚಿಸಿದಾಗ ಶಾಸಕನಾದೆ ಅನ್ನೋ ಭಾವನೆ ಬರುತ್ತದೆ..ಮದುವೆ ದಿನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಬಂದಾಗ ನಾನೇ ಮುಖ್ಯಮಂತ್ರಿ ಅನ್ನೋ ಭಾವನೆ ಬರುತ್ತದೆ ..ಮದುವೆ ಆಗಿ ಒಂದು ವರ್ಷದ ನಂತರ ಯಾವುದೋ ಹಗರಣದಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕ ಅನುಭವ ಆಗುತ್ತದೆ..ಲೈಫು ಇಷ್ಟೇನೇ...

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WHY ONE SHOULD VISIT TEMPLES REGULARLY...?

Here is the scientific Reason. Must read and share...

There are hundreds of temples all over India

in different size, shape and locations

but

not all of them are considered to be in the Vedic way.

Generally,

the temples are located in a place where earth's magnetic waves pass through.

In simple terms, these temples are located strategically at a place where the positive energy is abundantly available from the magnetic wave distribution of north/ south pole thrust.

Because of its location, where high magnetic values are available, the Main Idol is placed in the center,
and
also because they place a copper plate written with some Vedic scripts,
which is buried, beneath the Main Idol's placement known as "Garbhagriha"
or
Moolasthan, the copper absorbs the earth’s magnetic waves and radiates to the surroundings.
Thus a person who regularly visits a temple and makes clockwise pradakshina of the Main Idol's placement, automatically receives the beamed magnetic waves which get absorbed by his body.

This is very slow and a regular visit will make him absorb more energy,
known as positive energy.

In addition, the Sanctum Sanctorum is completely enclosed on three sides.

The effect of all energies is very high in here.

The lamp that is lit radiates the heat and light energy.

The ringing of the bells and the chanting of prayers gives sound energy.

The fragrance from the flowers, the burning of camphor give out chemical energy.

The effect of all these energies is activated by the positive energy that comes out of the idol.

This is in addition to the north/south pole magnetic energy that is absorbed by the copper plate and utensils that are kept in the Moolasthan.

The water used for the Pooja is mixed with Cardamom, Benzoin, Holy Basil (Tulsi), Clove, etc is the "Theertham".

This water becomes more energized because it receives the positive-ness of all these energies combined.

When persons go to the temple for Deepaaraadhana, and when the doors open up, the positive energy gushes out onto the persons who are there.

The water that is sprinkled onto the people passes on the energy to all.

That is the reason why, men are not allowed to wear shirts to the temple and ladies have to wear more ornaments because it is through these jewels (metal) that positive energy is absorbed in ladies.

It is proved that Theertham is a very good blood purifier, as it is highly energized.

In addition, temples offer holy water (about three spoons).

This water is mainly a source of magneto therapy as they place the copper water vessel at the Garbhagriha.

It also contains cardamom, clove, saffron, etc to add taste and Tulsi (holy Basil) leaves are put into the water to increase its medicinal value..!

The clove essence protects one from tooth decay, the saffron & Tulsi leave essence protects one from common cold and cough, cardamom and benzoine known as Pachha Karpuram, acts as a mouth refreshing agents.

This way, one's health too is protected, by regularly visiting Temples.. !

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