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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 35

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 35Mathematician:  How to write  4 in between a 5? 

China: Is this a Joke?

Japan: Impossible! 

America: The question's wrong!!

UK: Rubbish !!
 
India:  F(IV)E
This is the reason you find Indians everywhere in the world in finance, business, medicine, engineering & arts...
anything to do with optimizing your brain


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जीवन का मूल्य :

गुरुजी के पास एक आदमी गया और उसने कहा, 
बताईये गुरूजी जीवन का मूल्य क्या है?

गुरूजी ने उसे एक पथ्थर दिया और कहा , जा और इस पथ्थर का 
मूल्य पता करके आ, लेकिन ध्यान रखना इसको बेचना नही है I

वह आदमी उस पथ्थर को बाजार मे एक संतरे वाले के पास लेकर गया और संतरे वाले को दिखाया बोला "बता , इसकी कीमत क्या है?

संतरे वाला चमकीले stone को देख कर बोला, "12 संतरे लेजा और इसे 
मुझे दे जा"

और आगे एक सब्जी वाले के पास गया, उसे stone दिखाया सब्जी वाले ने उस चमकीले stone को देखा और कहा "एक बोरी आलू ले जा और इस stone को मेरे पास छोड़ जा"

आगे एक सोना बेचने वाले सुनार के पास गया उसे stone दिखाया सुनार उस चमकीले stone को देखकर बोला "50 लाख मे बेच दे" उसने मना कर
दिया तो सुनार बोला "2 करोड़ मे दे दे या बता 
इसकी कीमत जो माँगेगा वह दूँगा तुझे.

आगे हीरे बेचने वाले एक जौहरी के पास गया उसे stone दिखाया l जौहरी ने जब उस बेसकीमती रुबी को देखा , तो पहले उसने रुबी के पास एक लाल कपडा बिछाया फिर उस बेसकीमती रुबी की परिक्रमा लगाई माथा टेका l फिर जौहरी बोला , "कहा से लाया है ये बेसकीमती "रुबी" ?

"सारी कायनात , सारी दुनिया को बेचकर भी इसकी कीमत नही लगाई जा सकती ये तो बेसकीमती है l"

वह आदमी हैरान परेशान होकर सीधे गुरू के पास आया l अपनी आप बिती बताई और बोला "अब बताओ गुरूजी मानवीय जीवन का मूल्य क्या है?

गुरूजी बोले :
तूने पहले stone को संतरे वाले को दिखाया उसने इसकी कीमत "12 संतरे" की बताई l
आगे सब्जी वाले के पास गया उसने इसकी कीमत "1 बोरी आलू" बताई l
आगे सुनार ने "2 करोड़" बताई l
और
जौहरी ने इसे "बेसकीमती" बताया l

अब ऐसे ही तेरा मानवीय मूल्य है l
तू बेशक हीरा है लेकिन सामने वाला तेरा आकलन अपनी औकात अपनी जानकारी और अपनी हैसियत और मकसद से लगाएगा। घबराओ मत दुनिया में तुझे पहचानने वाले भी मिल जायेगे।

Respect Yourself,
You are also Unique,
No One Can Replace You.


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A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct!

Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..

Ans.- In his Last Battle..

Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?

Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..

Ans.- Marriage..

Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..

Ans.- Liquid State..

Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..

Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..

Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake..!!

Q.7-India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???..

Awesome Reply By Student:- 
.."Daaru K Glass Me..."

Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???

Answer:
Indian Constitution-Article 20(2)-says,"No man can be punished twice for same offence" 

Have a laughing week!! 



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Class Attendance

School Name: Life

Class: 40 th Std (All students are above 40 years)

Anger - Present sir
Anxiety - Present sir
Boredom - Present sir
Desires - Present sir (in full volume)
Frustration - Present sir
Monthly EMI - Present sir (in full volume)
Office Tension - Present sir
Sadness - Present sir
Worries - Present sir
Uncertainties - Present sir 
Happiness - ??? (no sound)
Happiness - ??? 
Happiness - Absent sir
Peace of mind - Absent sir
Contentment - Absent sir

Class teacher: In life, there is nothing called sadness. Either Happiness Present or Happiness Absent.

Life is very simple to live, but many find it difficult to be simple.

Make it Simple!

Have a fabulous Life.

Brilliant words -
"The amount of money that's in your bank at the time of death, is the extra work you did which was not necessary"

Live & Let Live

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Child asks father why we go to temple
Father says why you go to father or mother
Child says when I need food and when afraid and when I need company
Father says for the same reasons I go to temple that is huge and grand to breathe free and enjoy peace
Father and son, went to a temple, suddenly son shouted after seeing the pillars of Lions at the entrance of the temple
"Run Dad, or those Lions will eat us "
Dad consoled him saying "they are just statues and wont harm us"
Son replied " if those lion statues wont harm us then how could statues of God give us blessings"
I am still speechless on that childs answer and have started searching for God in Humans instead of statues.
Not found God yet and may not find in future, 
But surely found some Angels in human form sent by God in every walks of life.


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10 TYPES OF SHUDDHIS (PURIFICATIONS) :-

1. Body gets purified... 
   by WATER & EXERCISE

2. Breath gets purified... 
   by PRAANAAYAM

3. Mind gets purified... 
   by MEDITATION

4. Intellect gets purified...
   by KNOWLEDGE

5. Memory gets purified... 
   by MANAN & CHINTAN

6. Ego gets purified... 
   by SEVA (SERVICE)

7. Self gets purified...
   by SILENCE (MAUN)

8. Food gets purified...
     by POSITIVE THOUGHTS
     WHILE COOKING &
      EATING

9. Wealth gets purified... 
   by GIVING (DONATING)

10. Feelings gets purified...
     by CARE - CONCERN
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