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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 36

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 36Have a smile.

GOD asks Santa: 
"Now that you are old, you have to  choose either Parkinsons disease (haath kaapna) or Alzheimers  (yaadaast khona) as punishment for your karma in this life."

Santa goes to Banta who advises him to choose Parkinsons and says, "Its better to spill half glass of whiskey. than to forget  where 😱the bottles are kept." !!

Santa hugs and kiss Banta !!

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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out. Then he ate him! Management Lessons: 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

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SOMETHING YOU 
          MIGHT HAVE NOT 
          KNOWN And NEED 
          TO KNOW !!

🐜  Ants Problem:
      Ants hate Cucumbers. 
      "KEEP the skin of 
       Cucumbers near the 
       Place where they are
       or at Ant Hole.   

πŸŽ†  To make the Mirror 
       Shine:
       "Clean with Sprite"

 πŸ’¨ To remove Chewing 
       Gum from Clothes:
       "Keep the Cloth in 
       the Freezer for One 
       Hour"

πŸ’­   To Whiten White 
       Clothes:
       "Soak White Clothes 
       in hot water with a 
       Slice of Lemon for 10 
       Minutes" 

πŸ™‡  To give a Shine to 
       your Hair: 
       "Add one Teaspoon 
       of Vinegar to Hair, 
       then wash Hair"

πŸ‹  To get maximum 
       Juice out of Lemons:
       "Soak Lemons in Hot 
       Water for One Hour, 
       and then juice them" 

🍞  To avoid smell of 
      Cabbage while 
      cooking: 
      "Keep a piece of 
       Bread on the 
       Cabbage in the 
       Vessel while cooking"

πŸ‘•  To remove Ink from 
      Clothes:
      "Put Toothpaste πŸ₯ 
      on the Ink Spots 
      generously and let it 
      dry completely, then 
      wash"

πŸ€  To get rid of Mice or 
      Rats: 
      "Sprinkle Black 
      Pepper in places 
      where you find Mice & 
      Rats. They will run 
      away"

🍸 Take Water Before 
      Bedtime..
      "About 90% of Heart 
      Attacks occur Early in 
      the Morning & it can 
      be reduced if one 
      takes a Glass or two 
      of Water before going 
      to bed at Night"

πŸ’ We Know Water is 
      important but never 
      knew about the 
      Special Times one 
      has to drink it.. !!

      Did you  ???  

πŸ’¦ Drinking Water at the 
      Right Time ⏰ 
      Maximizes its 
      effectiveness on the 
      Human Body;

      1⃣  1 Glass of Water 
             after waking up -
            πŸ••⛅ helps to 
             activate internal 
             organs..

      2⃣  1 Glass of Water 
             30 Minutes  πŸ•§ 
             before a Meal - 
             helps digestion..

      3⃣ 1 Glass of Water 
             before taking a 
             Bath 🚿 - helps 
             lower your blood 
             pressure.

      4⃣ 1 Glass of Water 
             before going to 
             Bed - πŸ•™ avoids 
             Stroke  or Heart 
             Attack.

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πŸ‘‰When TV came to my house. I forgot how to read books. 
πŸ‘‰When the car came to my doorstep, I forgot how to walk. 
πŸ‘‰When I got the mobile in my hand, I forgot how to write letters. 
πŸ‘‰When computer came to my house, I forgot spellings 
πŸ‘‰When the Ac came to my house, I stopped going under the tree for cool breeze
πŸ‘‰When I stayed in the city, I forgot the smell of mud. 
πŸ‘‰By dealing with banks, I forgot the value of money. 
πŸ‘‰With the smell of perfume, I forgot the fragrance of fresh flowers. 
πŸ‘‰With the coming of fast food, I forgot to cook idli and rice. 
πŸ‘‰Always running around, I forgot how to stop. 
πŸ‘‰πŸ‘‰And lastly when I got watsapp, I forgot how to talk.

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THIS IS HOW FRIENDSHIP BREAKS πŸ‘ˆ 

Both friends will think that they are too busy πŸ˜”

They will not contact each  other thinking it may be disturbing 😑

As time passes, both will think... "let the other contact me" 😨

After a while, each will think... "why should I contact first?" 😳

Here, your love will gradually be converted to pride πŸ‘Ώ

Finally, without contact, the memory becomes weak πŸ’†

They forget each other.....❔

One day they will meet and blame one another πŸ˜ͺ

So, let's keep in touch, my dear friend πŸ‘«

I don’t wanna be one of those kind of friends πŸ‘Ž

So here I am saying,
I miss you! And hope that all is well with you? πŸ‘☎πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒ

Life is no fun without FRIENDSπŸ‘¦πŸ‘§

It's "World Best Friends Week." Send this to all your good friends. Even me, if I am one of them.

See how many you get back... If you get more than 3 you are really a lovable person...

I am waiting!!! 

Dont break this chain.

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