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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 20

Man to very beautiful air hostess:- "What's your name?"

Air hostess:- "Eva Benz.."

Man :- "Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"

Air hostess:- (smiling) "maintenance cost is same"

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***Superb Story***

Rakesh was worried that his wife was having an hearing problem and he thought she might need a  hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 20"Here's what you do,"
said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet,
then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a response.."


That evening,
his wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and Rakesh thought of testing the same.
He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.?"

Then in a normal tone he asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"


No response....


So he moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"


Still No response...


Next he moves to the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets No response...


So, he walks up to the kitchen door,
about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is No response....

So he walks right up behind her,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"


(You'll Love this)




"For God's sake Rakesh,
its  the FIFTH time I am telling you,
its 'AALOO PARATHA'.!"

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An unemployed engineer graduate was looking out for a suitable job in his stream.
He attended several exams and many personal interviews, only to be rejected.
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.
.
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Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he decided to get into any job that
can satisfy his food and daily needs.
.
.
.
.
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He visited a circus group and asked for a job.
But the owner said that there wasn't any job for his education level. Also he said that there is a vacancy to
act as a monkey and perform funny actions. The unemployed youth accepted the offer since he
can at least afford his daily food.
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.
.
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So he dressed up as a monkey and entertained the audience. One day while he was performing the
monkey skills, he accidentally fell into the lion's ring.
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Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into lion's ring. No one knew that he was a man
dressed up as a monkey. The man himself was dreadful and feared for his life.
He felt pity for himself as he going to be a victim of unemployment.
.
.
The lion came closer to him but didn't attack. He was surprised. The lion whispered,
"Abe Gupta.....ghabra mat...!! Main hun tera senior, Vinod Sharma.... 1999 batch... computer science.."

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Wife takes very ill husband to doctor.

Doc says to wife: Give him healthy breakfast daily, be pleasant and in gud mood. Cook tasty dinner and don't discuss ur problems with him. Stop watching tv shows and facebook. Dont demand new jewels. If u can do this for one year ur husband will be ok.

On the way to home, husband asks wife: What did doctor say?


Wife: . . . . . uliyodu kastha antha andru....

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One day teacher asked a question from students what is a diff between Senior and Junior.
All started thinking . Suddenly santa raises his hand , teacher said  answer .
Santa replied person who stays near the sea is SENIOR(sea near )
and person who stays near zoo is JUNIOR (ZOO NEAR)

Teacher fainted
Santa rocks teacher shocked


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After Accident , a Driver1 Angrily said :- I showed you the Headlights and told u let me go first ...............

Driver2 :- I also started the Wipers and said No, No, No...

Driver1 fainted !!!

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Panta and Banta, happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque.

Panta said: "I will walk in saying that my name is Mohamed, and you say that your name is Ahmed, this way we'll get some food! I have done this before too.we can easily fool them.  Deal ?"

Banta: "No, I am a Hindu Nationalist.I won't change my name I will stick with my name."They walked in.

Maulavi asked who are you?

Panta : "My name is Mohamed."

Banta: "I'm Banta."

Maulavi:  "Bantaji ko pani dijiye aur khana khilayiye

aur Mohamed Miya,  Ramazan Mubarak "

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A Priest dies and is waiting in line at heavens gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

God to the guy : Who r u ?

Guy : I am Udupi-Mangalore Express Bus driver.

God : Take this gold robe and enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who r u ?

Priest : I am a priest and spent 40yrs preaching good to people.

God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.

Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold and I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.

God : Results, my son, results.

While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed...

☝“Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!”


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Just read it..It's awesome attitude

A Little boy went to a telephone booth which   was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: “Madam, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy: “Madam, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”

Boy: (with more perseverance) “Madam, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the little boy put the receiver down. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy: “No thanks.”

Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”

Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”

This is called "Self-Appraisal”

Give your best and the world comes to you !!!

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Neil Armstrong, he is the 1st person to set his foot in moon.

But, do you know who was supposed to be the 1st person?  Many don't know...

His name is Edwin C Aldarin...
He was the pilot for the Apollo mission. He was working for the American Airforce. Moreover he had experience of space walking, hence selected as the pilot.

Neil Armstrong worked for the American Navy. He was selected for his courage as co-pilot.

When the Apollo mission landed on moon, they received a command from NASA, "pilot first".

But Aldarin was hesitant, "what will happen", "will I get sucked in or will I burn out", etc. The hesitation was not for hours, but few seconds.

In the meantime, NASA sent the next command, "co-pilot next".

Within next second, Neil Armstrong put his foot on the moon and became part of world history.

World history was changed in 1 second... Though Aldarin had the qualification and talent, because of hesitation, he is not recognised by many people.

The world remembers only person who comes first...
This is a good example of how people lose out because of hesitation and fear. Whenever you see the moon, remember this, a moments hesitation can stop us from our greatest victory.

We all have great potential in us, the only thing that stops us from achieving what we are supposed to achieve is our hesitation, fear and shyness.

Many people are shy to ask, shy to appreciate others, and some are shy to share this message. If we fail to do the right things, we will most likely do the wrong things.

Hence share the good messages. Avoid hesitation

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