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SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 24

One of great motivational msg...

When you feel the whole world is standing against you, turn around and take a selfie. You will find the whole world behind you.

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Laugh at this :

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 24

An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100


A American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer:  "I have lost my sense of taste"

Indian :  "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Lawyer:  "Ugh..this is kerosene"

Indian:  "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20"

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Lawyer:  "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"
Indian:  "Nurse,



 medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Lawyer (annoyed):  "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

Indian : "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20"

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer:  "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all "

Indian :  "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100"

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100"

Indian :  "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

You can't beat  Indians!!

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Wife:  Amitabh Bachchan really great actor hai. Daaru na pite hue bhi daaru pine ki kitni achhi acting kar lete hai..
.
.
.

Husband to himself:
Ab isko kaun samjhaye ki daaru na pikar pine ki acting karne se....
daaru pikar, na pine ki acting karna kitna mushkil hai.

Sach mein hamari to koi kadar hi nahi..

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Every husband is a farmer by default.
.
.
.
.
His survival solely depends on 'agree'culture...

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Absolute Classic!!!

An inspirational speaker said:
“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”

Audience were in shock and silence.

He added: “She was my mother”

A big round of applause & laughter followed!
.
.
.
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:

“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that inspirational speaker.

By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral:
DON'T COPY..
IF U CAN'T PASTE...!!!

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The temple Poojari came very close to me & asked: "Got Rum!!?"

I replied: "Yes, OLD MONK.."

The Poojari became angry & I was thrown out of the temple..

Later I realised, he was asking about my "GOTRAM"

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Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn, I can
hear it in the kitchen
.
.
.
.
.
Husband:
.
.
.
.
I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm
watching tennis....

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Are we earning to pay builders and interior designers, caterers and decorators?

Whom do we want to impress with our highly inflated house properties & fat weddings?

Do you remember for more than two days what you ate at someone's marriage?

Why are we working like dogs in our prime years of life?

How many generations do we want to feed?

Most of us have two kids. Many have a single kid.

How much is the "need" and how much do we actually "want"??
Think about it.

Would our next generation be incapable to earn, that we save so much for them!?!

Can not we spare one and a half days a week for friends, family and self??

Do you spend even 5% of your monthly income for your self enjoyment?
Usually...No.

Why can't we enjoy simultaneously while we earn?  

Spare time to enjoy before you have slipped discs and large prostates.

We don't own properties, we just have temporary name on documents.

GOD laughs sarcastically, when someone says,
"I am the owner of this land"!!  

Do not judge a person only by the length of his car.

Many of our science and maths teachers were great personalities riding on scooters!!  

It is not bad to be rich, but it is very unfair, to be only rich.

Let's get a LIFE, before life gets us, instead....

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Parents asked college watchman,"Is this a good college?"
watch man: "probably the best. I did my engineering here & got  campus placement

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A touching love story...

 WIFE:
 What would you do if i died?
 Would you get married again?

 Husband:
 No...how can I think of marrying?

 Wife-
 Why not?
 You would need company...for good and bad moments....please get married

 Husband:
 ...oh Shona...you are so sweet....even after death u r worrying about me...

 Wife: so promise me, u will remarry if I die...

 Husband:
 Ok, ok, i'd get married again...just for you

 Wife:
 Would you live in our house with your
 new Wife...?

 Husband:Yes, but will never let her use your room.

 Wife:Would you let her drive my car ?

 Husband: no...
its yours...I will keep it as your memory...and buy new one..

 Wife:Would you give her my jewelry?

 Husband:
 No..how can I...
it has your memories attached
 I am sure she would want her own..

 Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?

 Husband: No, never
her size is '7', and yours is 9

 Wife:
 --silence-

 Husband:
 'Shiiit'...!!!

Husband's funeral is on Sunday, please attend......

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How a Password Changed my Life ... A true story from the Reader’s Digest ...

I was having a great morning until I sat down in front of my office computer. “Your password has expired”, a server message flashed on my screen, with instructions for changing it. Coming up with a new code doesn’t seem like a big deal, unless you work at my company, where we have to change it monthly, using at least one uppercase character, one lower case character, one symbol and one number. Oh and the password can’t be fewer than eight characters. And I can’t use any of the same passwords I’ve used in the past three months.

Suddenly I was furious. What didn’t make it any better was that I was deeply depressed after my recent divorce. Disbelief over what she had done to me was what I thought all day.

That didn’t mean anything to the empty field with the pulsating cursor, waiting for me to type a password that I have to re-enter many times – for the next 30 days. I remembered a tip I’d heard from my former boss. He’d said, “I’m going to use a password that is going to change my life”. I couldn’t focus on getting things done in my current mood. There was clear indication that I needed to regain control over my life, but I couldn’t heed them. My password became the indicator. My password reminded me that I shouldn’t let myself be a victim of my recent breakup and that I was strong enough to do something about it.

I made my password – F0rgive@her. I had to type this password several times every day, each time my computer would lock. Each time I came back from lunch I wrote forgive her. The simple action changed the way I looked at my ex-wife. That constant reminder of reconciliation led me to accept the way things happened and helped me deal with my depression. As one month wore on, I felt a slow healing began to take place. By the time the server prompted me to change my password following month, I felt free.

The next time I had to change my password I thought about the next thing that I had to get done. My password became Quit@smoking4ever .
It motivated me to follow my goal and I was able to quit smoking.

One month later, my password became Save4trip@europe, and in three months I was able to visit Europe.

Seeing how reminders helped me materialize my goals kept me motivated and excited. While its sometimes difficult to come up with your next goal, keeping at it brings great results.

After a few months my password was
lifeis#beauTful  !!!

Life is going to change again.

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A Psychologist walked
around a room while
teaching Stress Management to an
audience.

As she raised a
glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked
the
"Half empty or Half full" question.

Instead, with a
smile on her face, she
inquired:
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied,
"The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long I hold it.

If I hold it for a
minute,
it's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour,
I'll have an ache in my arm.

If I hold it for a day,
my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.

In each case,
the weight of the glass
doesn't change,

But

The longer I hold it,
the heavier it becomes.

She continued,
"The Stresses and Worries in Life , are like that Glass of Water...

Think about them for
a while and nothing
happens.

Think about them
a bit longer and they begin to hurt.

And

If you think
about them all day long,
you will feel paralysed –
incapable of doing
anything."

Remember to put the Glass Down

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