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ThinkBangalore.com

SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 66


At a Wedding Reception the D.J. Announced.....

"Would all Married Men please Stand next to the One Person who has Made your Life Worth Living after Marriage?"
 
The Bartender was almost Crushed to Death.

Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 66*********

ಗುಂಡ ಸೂಪರ್ ಮಾರ್ಕೆಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಸೇಲ್ಸ್ ಹುಡುಗನಾಗಿ ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕೆ ಸೇರಿಕೊಂಡ. 

ಮೊದಲ ದಿನ ಒಬ್ಬ ಹೆಂಗಸು ಬಂದು "ಮಿಕ್ಸ್ಡ್ ಜಾಮ್" ಕೇಳಿದಳು. ಗುಂಡ ಗಂಭೀರವಾಗಿ ಹೇಳಿದ "ಸ್ಟಾಕ್ ಖಾಲಿಯಾಗಿದೆ. ಇಲ್ಲ" ಅಂದ. ಆ ಹೆಂಗಸು ಮುಖ ಸಿಂಡರಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಹೊರಟುಹೋದಳು. 

ದೂರದಿಂದ ನೋಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಸೂಪರ್‌ವೈಸರ್ ಬಂದು ಹೇಳಿದ. "ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಹಾಗೆ ಕೇಳಿದಾಗ ಮುಖಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊಡೆದ ಹಾಗೆ ಹೇಳ್ಬಾರದು. ಮಿಕ್ಸ್ಡ್ ಜಾಮ್ ಇಲ್ಲ, ಆಪಲ್ ಜಾಮ್ ಇದೆ, ಏಪ್ರಿಕಾಟ್ ಜಾಮ್ ಇದೆ.. ಟ್ರೈ ಮಾಡಿ ನೋಡಿ ಮೇಡಂ ಅಂತ ಪೂಸಿ ಹೊಡೆಯಬೇಕು" ಅಂದ. "ಸರಿ ಸರ್. ಗೊತ್ತಾಯ್ತು" ಅಂದ ಗುಂಡ.

ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಯಾರೋ ಹೆಂಗಸು ಬಂದು "ಎಕ್ಸ್‌ಕ್ಯೂಸ್ ಮೀ... ಟಾಯ್ಲೆಟ್ ಪೇಪರ್ ಇದೆಯಾ?" ಅಂದಳು.

ಗುಂಡ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ:

"ಓ.. ವೆರಿ ಸಾರಿ ಮೇಡಂ, ಟಾಯ್ಲೆಟ್ ಪೇಪರ್ ಜಸ್ಟ್ ಖಾಲಿ ಆಯ್ತು.. ಹಾಂ... ಕಾರ್ಬನ್ ಪೇಪರ್ ಇದೆ, ಸ್ಯಾಂಡ್ ಪೇಪರ್ ಇದೆ... ಟ್ರೈ ಮಾಡಿ ನೋಡಿ ಹೇಳಿ ಮೇಡಂ.." ಅಂದ.


*********

Surrender To The Divine :

There is a beautiful story about the flute of Krishna.

We all know Krishna always holds a flute in his hand, there
is a great story behind it ...

Everyday Krishna would go in the garden and say to all the
plants, “I love you”.

The plants were very happy and responded saying “Krishna,
we love You too”.

One day Krishna rushed quickly into the garden very
alarmed.

He went to the bamboo plant and the bamboo plant asked,
“Krishna, what´s wrong?”

Krishna said “I have something to ask you, but it is very
difficult”.

The bamboo said “Tell me: if I can, I will give it to you”.

So Krishna said “I need your life. I need to cut you”.

The bamboo thought for a while and then said “You don´t
have any other choice. You don’t have any other way ?”

Krishna said, “No, no other way”.

And it said “OK” and gave himself up.

So Krishna cut the bamboo n made holes in it, and each
time, he carved the holes, the bamboo was crying in pain ...

Krishna made a beautiful flute out of it n this flute was with
him all the time.

24 hours a day, it was with Krishna. Even the Gopis were
jealous of the flute.

They said, “Look, Krishna is our Lord, but yet we get to
spend only some time with him.

He wakes up with you, He sleeps with you, all the time you
are with him”.

Gopis asked the bamboo, “Tell us your secret. What secret
do you have, that the Lord treasures you so much ?”

And the bamboo said “The secret is that, i gave myself up,
and he did whatever was right for me, in the process i had
to undergo a lot of pain.

And the Lord does whatever he wants with me, whenever he
wants with me and however he wants with me. I have just
become His instrument”.

So this is complete surrender: where God can do whatever
He wants with you, whenever He wants, as He wants.

Trust Him completely and have faith in Him and always
think you are in His hands ... what can go wrong ??

This is Samarpan or Surrender.

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🔰Life is a Visiting Card,
💃Wife is a Memory Card,
👨Husband is  A T M  card
👰girl  fnd is a  Debit  card
🙋Neighbour is  a  greeting  card
💁Sister-in-Law  is  a  Recharge  card
👪Mother  father  is  Pan  card
👦Brother-in-Law  is  a  " duplicate  CARD "
👫child  is  a   Identity  card
🚹🚹But Friends are "AADHAR" Card

*********

Useful for everywhere.
If u lose your mobile in India,  you can get it back.
Got an interesting fact to share.. 

Nowadays almost  e VBveryone  of us 
carry  latest expensive 
Mobile devices which always 
Fears that it may be stolen.

Each mobile carries a unique 
IMEI no. i.e. International Mobile Equipment Identity No which 
can be used to track your 
mobile anywhere in the world.

This is how it works!!

1. Dial *#06# from your mobile.

2. Your mobile shows a unique 
    15 digit.

3. Note down this no anywhere 
     But except in your mobile as 
     this is the Number which will 
     help trace your mobile in 
     Case of a theft.

4. Once stolen you just have to 
     E-mail this 15 digit IMEI No. 
     to cop@vsnl.net with detail 
     Mentioned below.
   
Your name:____________________
Address:______________________
Phone model:_________________
Make:_________________________
Last used No.:_________________
E-mail for communication:_____
Missed date:___________________
IMEI No :_______________________

      5. No need to go to the 
          police.

      6. Your Mobile will be traced 
           within next 24 hrs via a 
           complex system of GPRS 
          and internet, You will find 
          where your hand set is 
          being operated even in 
          case your No. is being 
          changed.

Do try this and share your reviews

*********

ಗಿರಾಕಿ: ಒಂದು kg ಚಿಪ್ಸ್ ಗೆ ಎಷ್ಟು?


ವ್ಯಾಪಾರಿ : 80 ರುಪಾಯಿ.


ಗಿರಾಕಿ : ಲೂಸ್  ತಗೊಂಡ್ರೆ?


ವ್ಯಾಪಾರಿ : ಯಾರ್ ತಗೊಂಡ್ರು ಅಷ್ಟೇ.

😛😛😃😃

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The finest of the fine arts is the art of living. One can not teach it by external instructions. One must learn to give and take, to concede and convince. Life will be beautiful then. This wisdom will come from inner peace only.” – Mankutimma

*********

Sampu went to a bank to open a S.B.  A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
😀    

Sampu standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
😃
On romantic date sampu gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'
😀
Sampu found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
what ever u order first will come first.
😀
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except sampu
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
😀
What does sampu do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
😀
 Sampu& wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sampu: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Sampu: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
😀

What happens when  sampu wife delivers twins???? 
He does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...😝

Manager asked sampu at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 
Sampu replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
😃

After returning back from a foreign trip, sampu asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sampu: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
😁😉
 
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
 Sampu writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
😖😠

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sampu: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
😝😜✌

Sampu: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sampu: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
🙌👉😝😁

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sampu: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
😘😍


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sampu: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
😭😂✨

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sampu: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
👏✋😜😝✨
Dont laugh alone..jst pass 2 ur contactss.😂😂😂😉😜

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If civil engineers start making films: 
The names will be…. “Curing ho na ho” “Jaanam deshuttering karo” 
“Aa ab concrete kare” “Kabhi m20 kabhi m30″
 Hamari TAPE Apke Pas Hai” 
“Plaster kiya To Darna Kya”, 
“RCC no. 1″,
 “Execution Koi Khel Nahi”, 
“Maine Excavation Kyu Kiya”.
 “Distraction se construction tak ” “Contractor profit le jayenge”

From Civil Engineer

*********


ಅಪ್ಪ ಹೇಳಿದ.... ಮಾಳಿಗೆ ಹತ್ತುವಾಗ ಒಂದು ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಒಂದು ಹತ್ತು ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದೆ....

ಅದು ಯಾಕೆ ಕೇಳಿದ ಪಕ್ಕದ ಮನೆಯವ....

ಚಪ್ಪಲಿ ಸವೆಯುವುದು ಕಮ್ಮಿಯಾಗುತ್ತೆಂತ.... ಈ ಬೋ...ಮಗ ಎರಡೆರಡು  ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲು ಬಿಡ್ತಿದಾನೆ....

ಪಕ್ಕದ ಮನೆಯವನಿಗೆ ಆಶ್ಚರ್ಯ....

ಇನ್ನೂ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯದಾಯ್ತಲ್ಲ.... ಜಾಸ್ತಿ ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲು ಹಾರಿದ್ರೆ ಸವೆಯುವುದು ಅಷ್ಟೆ ಕಮ್ಮಿಯಾಗುತ್ತಲ್ಲ...

ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಅಪ್ಪ ಹೇಳಿದ.....

ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲು ಜಾಸ್ತಿ ಹಾರಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ ಚಡ್ಡಿ ಹರೀತಲ್ಲ....

😂😂😂😂😜😜😂😂😂😂

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How to communicate and be successful 

Talk to Mother lovingly 
Talk to Father respectfully 
Talk to Guru with humility
Talk to Wife truthfully 
Talk to Brothers with restraint 
Talk to Sisters affectionately 
Talk to Children with enthusiasm 
Talk to Relatives with empathy 
Talk to Friends freely
Talk to Officials politely
Talk to Vendors strictly
Talk to Customers honestly 
Talk to Workers courteously 
Talk to Politicians carefully 
Talk to GOD SILENTLY🙏

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Pls note this as very important for all shared by a  doctor. - for those who get up at night from sleep to urinate or early morning : Each individual must take note of the 3 x 1/2 minutes. Why is it important? 3 x 1/2 minutes  will greatly reduce the number of sudden deaths. Often this occurs, a person who still look healthy, has died in the night. Often we hear stories of people, yesterday I was chatting with him, why did he suddenly die? The reason is that when you wake up at night to go to the bathroom is often done in a rush. Immediately we stand, the brain lacks blood flow. Why "3 x 1/2 minute" very important?   In the middle of the night when you are awakened by the urge to urinate for example, ECG pattern can change. Because getting up suddenly, the brain will be anaemic and causes heart failure due to lack of blood. Advised to practice "3 1/2 minutes," which are: 
1. When waking from sleep, lie in bed for the 1st 1/2 minute;
 2. Sit in bed for the next 1/2 minute;
3. Lower your legs, sitting on the edge of the bed for the last half-minute. After 3 x 1/2 minutes, you will not have  anaemic brain and heart will not fail, reducing the possibility of a fall and sudden death.
 Share with family, friends & loved ones. It can occur regardless of age; young or old.
 Sharing is Caring. If you already know, regard this as refresher

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